Here's the thing about pushing through - it worked until it didn't.

What Your Therapist Isn't Telling You About Why Blocking Stopped Working

You've been told to push through. To stay strong. To keep the difficult memories locked away and focus on getting through each day.

And for years, this approach probably worked. When deadlines loomed or crises hit, you could compartmentalize, bury the emotions, and get things done. That ability to block out the noise and power through has been one of your most reliable survival tools.

So when your therapist assigned trauma processing homework and you felt your chest tighten, your body lock up, and that overwhelming sense that this wasn't the right time-you probably wondered if you were failing. If you weren't trying hard enough. If pausing the work meant giving up.

Here's what I need you to understand: The problem isn't you. The problem is that the coping strategy that saved you before is now working against you-and there's a specific neurological reason why.

The Dangerous Lie You've Been Told About Emotional Control

When you try to push difficult memories down and force yourself not to think about them, you assume you're giving your mind a break. You're creating distance. You're protecting yourself from being overwhelmed.

That's the conventional wisdom: If I just don't think about it, it will fade away.

But here's what's actually happening behind the scenes-and this is critical.

Why Trying Not to Think About It Makes It Worse (The Pink Elephant Proof)

Your therapist mentioned the "pink elephant" exercise. Let me walk you through it right now:

Whatever you do for the next 30 seconds, do not think about a pink elephant. Don't picture it. Don't imagine its trunkor its wrinkled gray-turned-pink skin. Just... don't think about a pink elephant.

What just happened in your mind?

You immediately pictured a pink elephant. Maybe several of them.

This isn't a failure of willpower. This is ironic process theory-a well-documented phenomenon in cognitive psychology that explains why suppression doesn't work the way you think it does.

When you try to suppress a thought, your brain has to do two things simultaneously:

• Monitor whether the thought is coming up (so you can catch it)
• Redirect your attention away from it (to suppress it)

The monitoring process-the very act of checking "Am I thinking about the pink elephant?"-keeps the thought activated in your working memory. You can't successfully NOT think about something without constantly checking whether you're thinking about it.

The mental effort required to suppress actually maintains the thought in your awareness.

So when you've been trying to bury traumatic memories by "just not thinking about them," you've unknowingly been keeping them activated. The harder you try to forget, the more mental energy goes into monitoring and suppressing-which paradoxically keeps the memories present.

This is the first hidden mechanism working against you.

But there's a second mechanism most people don't know about-and this one explains why what used to work suddenly stopped working.

What Perimenopause Actually Does to Your Emotional Capacity (It's Not What You Think)

You mentioned something crucial in your session notes: You're in perimenopause. Your hormones are fluctuating.

Most people think of perimenopause as hot flashes and irregular periods. What they don't realize is that estrogen fluctuations fundamentally change how your brain processes emotional threats.

Here's the neuroscience:

Your amygdala-your brain's alarm system-becomes more reactive when estrogen drops. At the same time, your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain that regulates emotions and helps you stay calm) loses some of its regulatory capacity.

Think of it like this: You have a container that holds emotional pressure. Under normal hormonal conditions, that container has a certain capacity-let's say it can hold 100 units of pressure before it starts to crack.

During perimenopause, that same container can now only hold 60 units before it reaches critical levels. Your buffer space has shrunk.

Now, imagine you're using the blocking strategy-constantly adding emotions and memories into that container, sealing the lid, and trying to keep everything compressed inside.

What happens when you keep adding pressure to a container that:

• Has less capacity than it used to
• Is already operating near its limit
• Never gets any release valve?

It doesn't just overflow gradually. It creates a pressure-buildup effect where everything becomes harder to handle. Small stresses that you could previously brush off now feel overwhelming. You become more irritable, more on-edge, more easily triggered-because you're operating with no buffer.

This is why your coping strategy of burying and blocking-which genuinely worked before-is now making things worse.

The combination of:

• Reduced emotional capacity (perimenopause)
• Constant suppression effort (ironic process theory)
• No pressure release (blocking strategy)

...creates a state where you're more sensitive to everything, even things unrelated to the trauma you're trying to suppress.

You're not weak. You're not failing. You're experiencing the predictable neurological consequence of a strategy that no longer matches your brain's current operating system.

Stop Blocking Your Emotions - Here's What Actually Works Instead

Here's where things get interesting-because there is something that works, and you've already discovered it.

You mentioned that distraction techniques have been helpful. That when you redirect your attention to something else, you feel better. You probably wondered why distraction helps when blocking doesn't-aren't they basically the same thing?

They're not. And understanding the difference is everything.

Blocking = Active suppression. You're trying to prevent a thought from existing. This requires constant mental monitoring and energy expenditure. It keeps the thought activated.

Distraction = Attention redirection. You're not trying to make the thought disappear-you're giving your mind something else to focus on temporarily. This gives your nervous system a break without requiring constant suppression.

When you use distraction, you're not fighting your brain's natural processes. You're working with them.

Think of it this way:

• Blocking is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It takes constant effort, and the moment you lose focus, it pops back up with force.
• Distraction is like floating the beach ball to the side while you swim in a different direction. It's still there, but you're not wrestling with it.

This is why your calming strategies-breathing exercises, body-focused self-care, daily routines-are actually working. They're not trying to make the difficult memories vanish. They're building your capacity to be present with what is, while giving your nervous system tools to regulate.

Why Your Trauma Memories Feel Like They're Happening Right Now

Your therapist explained something important: the difference between regular bad memories (which feel like the past) and PTSD memories (which feel present and ongoing).

When you tried to revisit the memories during homework and felt that chest tightness, that full-body lockup, that racing heart-that wasn't just anxiety about a past event. Your brain was treating those memories as current threats happening right now.

This is why EMDR was suggested. It works with memory reconsolidation-a process where memories can be updated and re-stored in away that feels more like "the past" rather than "happening now."

But here's the critical question: If your brain is already operating with a hypersensitive alarm system (due to perimenopause), and you're asking it to process memories it currently experiences as active threats, what do you think happens?

It's like trying to renovate a house during an earthquake.

The foundation is unstable. The structure is shifting. Any work you try to do will be compromised-or could make things worse.

This is why pausing the trauma work isn't weakness. It's wisdom.

What to Do Right Now Instead of Trauma Processing (You're Not Avoiding - You're Preparing)

Let me reframe what's actually happening:

You're not avoiding. You're preparing.

Every time you do those breathing exercises and feel your chest loosen, you're activating your vagus nerve-the brake pedal for your stress response. You're building neural pathways that signal safety.

Every time you maintain your daily routines-especially sleep and wake times-you're giving your nervous system predictability, which reduces the baseline alert level.

Every time you practice body-focused self-care, you're teaching your system that you can feel sensations without them being threats.

You're not running away from the trauma work. You're building the capacity that will make that work possible and safe.

Once your hormones stabilize-whether through time, treatment, or both-you'll return to trauma processing with:

• A nervous system that knows how to find calm
• Data about what actually helps you regulate
• A foundation stable enough to support the deeper work
• Tools that work WITH your brain instead of against it

The EMDR will be more effective. The processing will be safer. The integration will be more complete.

Because you'll be renovating from a stable foundation, not during an earthquake.

Your 6-Step Plan to Stabilize Before Processing Trauma

Here's your action plan for this phase:

1. Continue Your Breathing Practice (3x Daily)

Morning, midday, and evening. This isn't just relaxation-you're literally strengthening the neural pathways that help your nervous system downregulate. You're training your body to recognize safety.

2. Name It, Then Redirect (Not Block)

When intrusive thoughts or memories surface:

• Name it: "This is a memory. It's not happening now."
• Redirect: Choose a specific sensory experience in the present moment. What do you see right now? What do you feel touching your skin? What sounds do you hear?

This acknowledges the memory without trying to suppress it (which would keep it activated) and without dwelling on it (which would amplify it).

3. Protect Your Sleep/Wake Schedule

Set an alarm for the same time every morning-even weekends. Hormonal regulation is deeply connected to circadian rhythm. Consistency here supports the broader stabilization you're working toward.

4. Practice the Container Visualization

When difficult thoughts arise, imagine placing them in a secure box that you control. You're not trying to make them disappear-you're acknowledging they exist while choosing not to open the box right now. This is fundamentally different from blocking (which denies the thought exists).

5. Track Body-Focused Self-Care

Create a simple log:

• What you did (exercise, nutrition quality, sleep quality)
• Rate your irritability and tension (1-10)

After 2-3 months, you'll start seeing patterns. You'll learn what actually helps your nervous system feel safe during different parts of your hormone cycle.

6. Build Your Data Set for Future Processing

By the time you're ready to resume trauma work, you'll have 3-6 months of evidence showing:

• What calms your nervous system
• What times of month you have more capacity
• What early warning signs tell you you're approaching overwhelm
• What interventions actually work for you specifically

This personalized data will make EMDR exponentially more effective because you'll know when you're in a "green zone" for processing work.

Why This Changes Everything About How You See Yourself

The next time that voice in your head says you're giving up or not trying hard enough, you'll know the truth:

You're not avoiding the work. You're doing exactly the work your nervous system needs right now.

You're not weak for pausing. You're strategic.

You're not failing at trauma recovery. You're building the foundation that makes real recovery possible.

The blocking strategy that got you through past crises served you well-until it didn't. Now you have a new understanding:

• Why suppression backfires (ironic process theory keeps thoughts activated)
• Why it stopped working (perimenopause reduced your buffer capacity)
• What to do instead (distraction, regulation, predictability, acknowledgment)
• When to return to deeper work (after hormonal stabilization, with data in hand)

You're not running away from an earthquake. You're waiting for the ground to stabilize before you build.

That's not weakness. That's engineering.

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What Nobody Tells You About the Right Time to Start EMDR

Once your hormones stabilize, there's a specific window of opportunity when EMDR can literally rewire how these memories are stored in your brain. But the timing isn't random-it depends on understanding your unique hormone cycle patterns and how they interact with your nervous system capacity.

The key is learning to read your body's signals accurately enough to know when you're in a "green zone" for trauma processing work versus a "yellow zone" where stabilization strategies should take priority. Some people find they have 10-12 days per cycle where deeper work is safe and effective. Others find different patterns entirely.

Your personalized data-the tracking you're doing now-will reveal your unique pattern. And that knowledge will change everything about how effective your trauma work can be.