Thelma, had the shock of her life when her daughter said...
"Mum, can't you see that you are hurting Tom? You are picking on him way too much!"
Tom was Thelma's 9-year-old son, and Thelma hadn't realized how badly she had been treating him.
Thelma had been projecting all her accumulated anger from the past years on her son.
You see,90% of the people who had hurt her and taken advantage of her in her life were men.
To protect herself, Thelma had gotten so good at reading men. She could smell their foul play from afar and put a stop to things before they did any mess. But Thelma was now using the same protective mechanism against her son and causing him a lot of pain.
You know what? This boy hasn't really done anything wrong. Yes, he might have disobeyed a little here or there, but it's no worse than his sister's behaviours.
In therapy together with Thelma, we explored how Thelma's Mind had built a protective shield against men and lamented the fact that this protective system was not hurting her innocent son who was beginning to think "mum does not love me."
Her relationship with her son was getting destroyed.
Just like Thelma, could your trauma be controlling a lot more in your life than you might realize?
Recently, one of our fans asked...
Is it necessary to address trauma in order to heal?
Isn't it better to just leave it buried in the subconscious mind so you can avoid peeling back the layers of the onion & re-living the trauma all over?
Aren't some things better left alone, otherwise you risk re-victimization?
In a way, the above points make sense...
The only problem is that trauma never stays buried even if you feel you are hiding it. It comes out in one form or another.
It may come out as you being overly grumpy and hard to be around or entirely shut down unable to do much. It may come out in you being too busy or maybe comes out in you being hard on your male kids if you have been assaulted by men in the past.
So as long as it remains undealt with, trauma will definitely still affect one's life. And its impact can last over 70 years if you keep hiding it.
It's crucial that you do something about your trauma today. You and your loved ones deserve a life without the pain that trauma problems bring.
And this is why I would love to show you the best way to start addressing your trauma difficulties in this two part series. Trauma does not have to have such a controlling power over your life.
1) How to stop past trauma from having huge control over your life as it did with Thelma.
2) The 1 essential thing you must do to stop experiencing nightmares, flashbacks and sleepless nights caused by Trauma.
3) The necessary steps to overcome the emotional scars of the past and start to heal your extremely sensitive and overwhelmed nervous system.
In this article, I’m going to show you the common mistakes people make when trying to stop being a victim of their past.
And then in the next article I will reveal a new formula to help you Heal Trauma & Regain Peace. Soon, you too can reclaim your power & rebuild a new you— and I’ll show you how!”
Ready, Let's dive in...
You see, I have been working in the mental health field for over 25 years now. And I have seen that whenever people struggle to recover from PTSD or Complex PTSD, It's because of these 3 traps. Hence, I want to reveal them to you so you can know what they are and have the best chance to avoid them.
I like to call these 3 traps...
And believe me, they are blood-curdling and brutal if you don't realize they exist!
Let me elaborate...
To help us understand the way our brain processes things, let's imagine the pen that we use for writing.
You see, the only reason you know it's a pen that can be used to write is because you've had some experiences in the past where someone has shown you that you can use a pen to write and you've used it to write for a long time.
Essentially, you had a past experience, which you then project into your present experience to understand the present.
Your brain had to process the experience from the past, make sense of it, and then use that experience in the present.
Now the problem with PTSD is that we have an experience that the brain is not able to process because the processing has been blocked.
This means that the brain will keep trying to process the trauma. And whenever the brain tries to reprocess it, you experience flashbacks. And You get triggered by memories.
So for example, you might find yourself smelling something that happened a long time ago when the thing is not around you to smell now.
Or your body might feel a certain way that it felt during a particular experience years ago.
This is all happening because the brain is trying to process the experience, but it's been blocked.
The common things that block the brain's ability to process after trauma are things like fear, anger, shame or guilt.
And how that works is that whenever your brain is trying to process, it triggers you to feel fearful because of the emotions you are experiencing.
As a result, the brain is then not able to process.
Now, if the memory triggers you to feel angry, you may get angry with yourself.
You may be saying...
This thing happened years ago now. Why is it still affecting me?
You feel ashamed about it because you're a grown adult now. Why are these things still having an impact on me?
Or, you feel guilty because you don't want these issues to affect your children. Your trauma is not their fault, why do they have to suffer from it too?
As such all of that forces you to block away the memories or the experience. Hence, the brain is not able to process.
But unfortunately, if the brain doesn't process, your brain can keep trying to process for the next 70 years thereby keeping the PTSD problem alive.
That's the brain processing trap.
Moving on to the next trap which is the strength and weakness trap.
To help explain this trap…
Imagine a situation where you were walking down a street and come across a friend. You proceed to say hello to that friend, but the friend, instead of saying hello back, this friend just looked at you, raised her nose up and treated you horribly.
Now that you've been horribly surprised by this friend, the next time you see another friend, chances are that you might be a bit careful about saying hello to this other friend.
Because you don't want the same issues to happen.
So, because of a past experience, you learn to cope in a certain way, but that way of coping itself becomes what bites you in the back.
It may be that it's a good thing to protect yourself because there are people who are horrible in life. But the more you get good at protecting yourself, the more you also get good at isolating yourself from people.
So, it's a strength to protect. But that strength can become a weakness.
And why is this important?
It is important because, When most people struggle with emotional health issues, they often think that their problem is because they are weak at something.
But it’s actually the other way around.
The reason you struggle emotionally is because you have become extremely strong in certain things. That's why the weaknesses you see exist.
I'll elaborate with another example…
Yesterday I mentioned that because of the men who assaulted Thelma when she was younger, she became very sensitive to any men who did any nonsense around her.
She developed the strength to protect herself by seeing those things very quickly. But because she was so negatively keyed into men who seemed to be taking an interest in her, she started to avoid men who are healthy.
She avoided men who would have brought good experiences into her life and sadly became more of a magnet to toxic men.
Can you see how the same strength that protects us in one situation begins to work against us in other situations?
We simply don't realize that those strengths are pushing us out of balance and bringing other problems into our lives.
Because Thelma was now so careful due to her views that people can be dangerous and people can be toxic…
Her children began to see people as potentially dangerous and toxic too.
And before long, they were also avoiding situations and things they shouldn't be avoiding.
Can you see the pattern?
And to show you this pattern is not just a fluke, here is one more example…
If your trauma made you become that person who does not want anybody to see them as weak and vulnerable, you might try very hard, pushing yourself hard, working hard constantly trying to prove you are good enough.
The hard work would be seen as a virtue, but the weakness created is that you often get overworked. You get drained.
Then you beat yourself up for getting drained as well.
That's the second trap...
This brings us nicely to the 3rd insidious trap.
The third trap is the nervous system trap, which occurs because of how you learn to cope when you've gone through a lot of traumatic experiences.
You see, your nervous system extends across your whole body from your head all the way to your fingers and to your toes.
Your nervous system is responsible for keeping your heart beating... It's responsible for keeping your lungs breathing.
So really your nervous system keeps your body alive.
Ever heard the phrase HEADLESS CHICKEN?" Well, that phrase exists because a chicken can still dance around for a few seconds after its head has been chopped off.
This is the same for humans.
The nervous system is a powerhouse at keeping all your organs working effectively. It's like it has its own memory and does not need to have instructions for how to do this from the brain.
But what does this have to do with trauma?
You see, what happens when you've been through trauma is that your nervous system learns to protect you and numb your whole system in order to reserve resources.
This way, your nervous system prevents you from breaking down.
When it feels that your body's being pushed to extremes because of stress, you just suddenly notice your chest tightening up and you stop breathing properly.
You lose your appetite even though you are very hungry.
Your feet go a little numb, perhaps with a tingling sensation. Your whole body feels tight and tense. And your heart starts to palpitate.
Now if you don't know that this is just your nervous system trying to conserve energy to protect you, you may conclude that something is wrong with you physically or mentally.
And naturally, this conclusion spikes up your stress levels, making the nervous system even tenser.
It becomes like a boa constrictor squeezing all the energy out of your body Forcing your body to dissociate, and making you feel completely abnormal.
As a result, you block away or avoid anything that causes you to feel emotional. Which invariable stops your brain from processing life experiences properly.
Can you see how the three traps work together to keep you in a living hell.
Because of the brain processing trap, you keep blocking your brain from processing because of fear, anger, guilt or shame, your brain could get stuck trying to process for years. That’s why you keep experiencing nasty flashbacks, nightmares, depression, panic attacks and intense anxiety.
Then because of the strength versus weakness trap, your life is constantly kicked into disarray. Your very attempts to survive life literally turns life into your mortal enemy. Causing you problems at every corner even though you are trying your hardest to cope.
And finally, the nervous system trap bombards you with negative emotions 24 hours a day. Even when you're sleeping. And the more you worry about the negative emotions the worse your emotions get.
These three traps are working behind the scenes. And even if you don't realize that they are there, they still have the power to break you down so heavily to the point where you become a shell of yourself.
This formula will help you to stop being intruded on by your past and stop causing flashbacks and nightmares.
The formula will help you feel more balanced, enabling to become resilient and functional as a person.
At the same time, the formula will help you feel emotionally grounded and connected with your life in the present so you can break free and live your life on purpose instead of just surviving.
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