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How to break through shame and speak your truth

Discover 9 "POSITIVE REBELION" tactics to make you feel more like the real you.

Shame is such a powerful force in our lives that we often don't realize how much we're affected by it until we try to move past it.

Many people who have been suffering from shame cannot let go of it because they don't know how to deal with it.

One of the most important things about overcoming shame is that it happens inside.

It doesn't matter how many compliments you get from other people, how much money you make, how many people admire you, or how many great things you do in your life.

If you are ashamed of something in your life, then you will always be stuck in the same place, no matter how many successes you achieve.

The good news is that you can overcome this feeling, but only if you're ready to. The bad news is that most people are not prepared to overcome their shame. So they go through life in a constant state of misery and regret.

It's crucial to become a master at managing shame to start feeling comfortable in your skin and your own life.

People who constantly feel ashamed of their past and future will never reach their potential and struggle.

Shame only prevents us from achieving our dreams and goals because we believe ourselves to be flawed and unworthy of what we want in life.

But overcoming this feeling of shame will help you develop a better relationship with yourself and live a happier, more satisfying life.

In this article, I'm going to reveal the strategies and must-have mindsets to succeed at managing sham so you can stop hiding your real personality under layers of social conditioning. And start living your life to the fullest and making the most of it!

Ready?

I'll start with a brief definition of shame.

What is shame?

Shame is a feeling caused by believing that one is defective, unworthy, inadequate, or defective. It occurs when we feel we are not good enough and do not live up to the expectations of others.

Shame is the feeling of being wrong, ugly, or worthless and the resulting desire to hide the parts of ourselves that we think make us look bad.

But here's the big question... What purpose does shame serve in your life?

What purpose does shame serve? (THE MANY FACES OF SHAME)

Shame has various roles in our lives.

We often shame ourselves for making mistakes or doing something we know is wrong. Sometimes, when we feel ashamed of someone else, it may be because they have done something that we find unacceptable or that we think might reflect poorly on us.

 Shame can be a negative emotion that occurs when one perceives that something has gone wrong in one's life.

The feeling of shame comes from the belief that one is not living up to one's own or others' standards.

Shame can also result in people avoiding social situations where they feel that their behaviour may be judged negatively by others. People with low self-esteem often feel ashamed of their actions and feelings.

Shame has evolved as a mechanism of social control by which one person can influence the behaviour through public display of disapproval.

Shame serves the purpose of social control by giving an individual a feeling of inadequacy or badness, which they then must make good or feel guilty about, thus influencing their behaviour.

 

Why is it so painful to deal with shame?

Shame is one of the most powerful emotions that we can feel. It makes us want to hide or disappear, and then it causes us to feel guilty or ashamed.

Besides feeling awful, shame can cause us to misbehave, avoid others, withdraw from social activities, or lose our sense of self-worth.

People who constantly feel ashamed of their past and future will never reach their potential and struggle.

Shame only prevents us from achieving our dreams and goals because we believe ourselves to be flawed and unworthy of what we want in life. What can be done?

How to overcome feelings of shame Shame only prevents us from reaching our goals in life because we believe that we are not good enough or worthy of what we want in life.

So to deal with shame more effectively, we've got to believe that we are worthy and good enough so that we can achieve our goals and live a happier life. You must learn to see yourself as a valuable person and a worthwhile human being. You must believe that you have a right to happiness and success and that you deserve to live a fulfilling life.

When does shame become harmful or toxic?

Shame can take on many forms. Sometimes the shame is due to our actions. We might feel that we have done something wrong and should be punished for it. But sometimes, we feel ashamed because others have done something bad to us.

This kind of shame can make us feel like a burden to those around us.

Shame becomes toxic when the person feeling shame cannot change or control their emotions. As such, they try to hide from the feelings of shame rather than dealing with them.

Toxic shame is a feeling of shame that is out of control and is often accompanied by depression, anger, or fear. The feeling of shame can be either conscious or unconscious, and it is important to identify why it is there.

If it is just a bad memory of a past situation, the reason can be addressed, and the shame can then be replaced with compassion, understanding, and love.

If it is associated with other feelings such as guilt or fear of being judged, then a therapist can help by exploring these feelings and the root causes.

Here are 9 of the best strategies that I have come across for dealing successfully with shame.

9 "POSITIVE REBELION"  tactics for deleting the negative impact of shame in your life

  1. To overcome shame, we need to identify and overcome the factors that trigger it. We must take a step back and look at what triggers it in us. 
  2. Think back on your childhood, when you had little say in anything. How did you feel then?
  3. Now, think of a current situation where you are being controlled by feelings that you do not want to have but cannot control.
  4. As you are thinking of this, see yourself standing up for your right to be in charge of your own life. Think of others who have less power than you.
  5. Now, think of your parents, relatives, teachers, friends and other adults you respect. Do they respect themselves? Do they have the power to stand up to their own feelings if they do? What would happen if they didn't?
  6. Think of all the people who make a difference in your life: your family, your friends, your teachers, your colleagues. Do they respect themselves? Do they have the power to stand up to their feelings? If not, can they still help you to stand up to yours?
  7. Accept your feelings of shame... Treat it like it's a normal emotion.
  8. Talk to a professional if you need help or advice.
  9. Practice self-compassion by being kind and non-judgmental towards yourself. This is the most significant antidote to shame I have come across to date. 

How to turn your shame into a supercharged engine of innovation and OUTSTANDING PRODUCTIVITY!

The sad reality is that...

Some things in our lives cause us so much fear and pain that we become stuck in an emotional rut because of them. We're afraid to tell anyone else about these shameful secrets because we're embarrassed and ashamed of them.

We keep them hidden for so long that we no longer even recognize them as our own. Then they fester inside us, taking over our emotions and draining our energy.

True...

Shame can make you think you're not good enough.

Shame can stop you from living your dreams.

But now it's time to change all that.

It's time to start living your life with pride, purpose and power.

Book a consultation with Adewale

Written by Adewale Ademuyiwa
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