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How to use anger as motivation

"If you can feel angry and still be happy, then, you'll have the motivation to overcome many obstacles in your life." Adewale Ademuyiwa

Anger is like a knife in the heart. You feel it and it hurts, but you don’t know why. The best way to understand anger is to know its purpose. Better still if you can influence its purpose, you can control your reactions to it.

In a minute, as you read through this article, you'll discover the secrets to how you can use anger to motivate yourself, create positive changes in your life, and ultimately grow stronger as a human being. I’ll also be giving you practical examples of how to take advantage of anger to help you feel powerful and confident.

But first...

Did you know that anger and motivation share many common traits?

For example: Just like motivation...

• Anger pushes us to action

• When we are angry, we are focused on the present

• In fact, our attention is often consumed by one thing, one thought.

• Anger and motivation go hand-in-hand, so it is easy to be motivated to act on your anger.

Anger often produces an aggressive desire to act. You have probably seen this in yourself. You get angry with something or someone, and then you want to take it apart and fix it. It could be a relationship, or a situation, or a person, but there is always an urge to “fix” it. This gives you focus and energy.

Motivation works in a similar way. When you want to do something, you feel passionate about it. Your heart starts pounding. You are filled with excitement and energy. This focus and energy is also what fuels your motivation.

Motivation works best when the outcome you want is small enough. If it is big, like finishing school or getting a promotion, it’s harder to be motivated to act on your anger. You might get upset and want to throw a fit, but it won’t have the same effect. You can be motivated, but not angry. You have to use both.

Motivation and anger have their limits, too. Just like motivation, anger can become a self-defeating force. When you are angry at a person or situation, you might say things you regret. This can ruin your chances of getting along well with that person or situation. It can also push you into conflict and aggression.

Now before you can harness anger as a motivation tool, here are some common traps you would do well to avoid.

What negative effects could there be from using anger as motivation?


Anger is a natural emotion that lets us feel our feelings, release tension and control emotions that are difficult to deal with.

However, it can turn into a destructive force when it’s used as motivation. It can create a downward spiral and push us further away from our goals.

How?

Anger can cause you to feel out of control, make decisions impulsively, lash out and give into bad impulses, and give up on your goals.

It can fuel depression, making you feel helpless and hopeless, and cause you to lose your confidence. It can also lead you to feel isolated and become a loner.

If not properly managed, especially when there are deeper issues like trauma using anger as a motivation tool become a self-destructive force that takes control of your life and keeps you from moving forward. 

To prevent this from happening, you need to have a healthy relationship with anger. Learn how to manage and transform anger and become more productive with it. you need to have a healthy relationship with anger. Learn how to manage and transform anger and become more productive with it.

 

How to ensure that your anger will not be misdirected

1) Understand that you need to deal with the source of your anger before you can use it properly

It's common to think that if we get angry, it means that we care about something, and we use anger as a motivator. But the fact is, we can easily get upset about things that have nothing to do with us. Anger doesn't always have a good reason. We often get mad because we are upset about something else. So it is best to understand what has upset us before we get angry.

In general, when we get angry, we often feel a sense of helplessness and frustration because we don’t know how to cope with the situation. If we can learn to cope with the source of our anger first, we can then start using anger as a motivator. This means that we can express our anger without having to deal with the source of it first.

When we are upset about something, we might become irritable, aggressive, withdrawn, confused, depressed, or we might get angry or stressed. The reason why we are feeling so negative is because we don't know how to deal with the source of our anger.

If you notice that you are getting upset about something that you don't understand or you can't control, you should think about what you need to do to deal with it. Sometimes, it may help to ask for support from a friend or family member, and you can try to take a break and relax.

2) Get to the root of your anger by asking yourself these three questions

You can get to the root of your anger by asking yourself the following questions:

a) What is the source of my anger?

b) What is causing me to be upset?

c) What can I do to deal with the source of my anger?

If you can’t answer the first question, then it may be a sign that you need to look at your relationship with the person or situation. For example, if you are angry about your work, it may be related to a feeling of not being appreciated, or a feeling that you are doing all the work.

The second question is about what is causing your anger. If you can't answer it, this means that the cause of your anger is not clear to you. This can be a sign that there are many different things that could be causing your anger.

The third question is about what you can do to cope with the source of your anger. This is the step that is most important for understanding how to use your anger. When you get to the root of your anger, you will have a clearer idea of what it is that you need to deal with.

When is it useful to use anger as a motivating force?

The best way to know when to use anger as motivation is to ask yourself:

1. Is my motivation making me feel better about myself?

2. Am I using anger to get me to do something that will help me meet my goals?

3. Is my anger causing me to lash out at other people?

4. Is my anger getting in the way of being a positive person?

In some instances, people use anger to get them out of a difficult situation. For example, when they feel angry about how their relationship is going, they might use anger as a motivator to try and change their relationship with the other person.

Another example would be using anger to get something done. For example, if you are trying to clean out your closet and feel overwhelmed, it may help to express your anger in order to motivate yourself to get it done.

This is quite similar to what you see when athletes are trying to push themselves to do one more rep or push past the finished line. You would often hear them shout angrily.

In this case, the anger is not directed at themselves or at other people. The anger is just providing a burst of focus and energy to help get the job done.

Does it matter where anger comes from?

Anger can come from many different places. For some people, it’s about a perceived injustice that makes them angry. But for others, it’s a way of feeling safe and powerful.

In many cases, the source of your anger can influence the way you express it  If you get angry at someone else, you may not handle it well. If you’re mad at yourself, you may try to vent it on someone else. If it comes out of nowhere, you may feel powerless to stop it.

However, the source of your anger does not have to control you. Regardless of the source, the anger can still be channelled positively towards your goals.

Why should you take the time to understand anger?

It is crucial to take the time to understand you anger because it can be the biggest obstacle between you and success.

Anger can be either constructive or destructive. It is destructive when you let it consume you and waste your energy in the wrong direction. It is constructive when you use it to motivate yourself and push you toward the goals you want to achieve.

In addition to understanding the different types of anger, it is important to know what causes you to lose control and become angry. Understanding your own triggers can help you identify and avoid those situations.

Here are some common triggers that can lead to anger:

1) Frustration: Sometimes people lose their cool over something that isn’t really a big deal at all. It could be as simple as having to wait in line, getting stuck in traffic, or the frustration of having to go to the dentist. Being angry over little things like this can be hard on our self-esteem.

2) Stress: Whether it’s the stress of work, family, or school, life can be stressful. And sometimes, just being stressed out can lead to losing control over your emotions. If you’re feeling too much stress or are unable to cope with it, your anger may get the best of you.

3) Lack of sleep: Lack of sleep can affect our ability to think clearly. And when we’re sleep deprived, we’re more likely to react emotionally instead of logically.

4) Depression: When you’re depressed, you’re more likely to feel anxious, overwhelmed, and frustrated. These emotions can lead to feelings of anger that you probably wouldn’t have had otherwise.

5) Anxiety: There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. But when you’re constantly worried and stressed, it can be easy to become anxious. And when you’re anxious, you’re more likely to feel angry.

6) Relationship problems: It’s human nature to lash out at someone when we’re upset. It’s only natural to want to get even when you’re in the middle of a conflict. Unfortunately, this means that it’s hard to stay calm and rational when you’re mad.

7) Work-related issues: Your job can make you angry. It’s a big part of our lives, and we feel like it’s all we’re good for. We often feel like we need to work so we can provide for our families. But if we don’t take time for ourselves, we run the risk of feeling resentful and angry at our job.

8) Failure: The thing about life is that sometimes we fail. We can’t always achieve what we want, and we can’t always do things perfectly. If you’re constantly trying to do everything right, you’re going to be stressed out, and chances are, you’re going to be angry.

9) Other triggers: The reasons why you get angry depend on a lot of factors. For some people, certain smells can trigger anger. Others find that they get angry over music, the way their body feels, or even how they’re treated by others.

Understanding your own triggers and the circumstances that cause you to lose control is important because it allows you to take control of your anger and turn it into something that can help you.

 

Book a consultation with Adewale

 

How to harness anger for positive change

How to harness anger for positive change

Here are a few tips to help you harness your anger effectively:

1) Avoid being angry with yourself: Anger is a natural feeling for us. But sometimes we allow it to get out of control and turn into anger against ourselves. That’s when it becomes destructive. It is true that we need to criticize ourselves sometimes, however, it is more effective to use compassionate self-criticism because it will lead to growth. 

2) Keep a positive perspective: healthy emotions such as anger and frustration are very powerful. But when anger is misdirected, it can become a destructive force. Therefore, it is important to learn to channel your anger towards something good. For example, if you are frustrated with an assignment or a situation, you can choose to channel your anger to become more efficient and productive. You can also choose to channel your anger to help a friend. In other words, it is always a better choice to direct your anger towards something constructive rather than destroying yourself.

3) Accept that anger has its place: Include anger, but also include love, gratitude and happiness. Remember that we are all human and humans are imperfect. So instead of being angry at yourself, choose to be grateful for your accomplishments. Find ways to learn from your mistakes and become wiser from them.

4) Express yourself through writing: Anger is not the only emotion that can manifest itself through writing. If you keep a diary of your emotions, it will help you manage and understand your emotions. If you write in detail about your anger, you may feel better in the long run. In addition, keeping a diary of your emotions can help you to understand yourself better and gain insight.

5) Develop a routine: There are many people who find it difficult to express their anger. But they find a way to express it in other ways. They might get angry at work or yell at a friend. Or they might express it in another way.

6) Identify your triggers: It is also important to identify your triggers. These are the things that cause you to feel stressed. It is important to identify these things to avoid them. This will prevent you from getting stressed out. If possible, remove your triggers.

7) Acceptance: If you find it hard to accept your anger, try to accept it as a natural part of life. You can’t control the way you feel. The best thing to do is to accept it, rather than resist it.

8) Self-compassion: It is important to have self-compassion. Try to have a compassionate attitude towards yourself. For example, when you are feeling a negative emotion, say to yourself: “I am experiencing sadness, anger or fear, and I feel that I deserve to feel this way.”

9) Meditation: Meditation can be a great tool to control your anger and calm your mind. But it’s important to have patience with meditation. Meditation is a long-term process. So you need to be committed to using it. But the benefits of meditation are worth the wait.

 How to Use Anger to Learn Productive Conflict.

Productive conflict is how you resolve issues in a healthy way. The good news is that conflict is inevitable. So it is important to learn how to deal with conflict effectively.

There are three main ways of resolving conflict:

1. Avoidance - where the goal is to try and avoid conflict and you try to hide from the other person

2. Escalation - where the goal is to try and gain control of the other person and to bully them into submission

3. Resolution - where the goal is to resolve the issue and come to a compromise that everyone is happy with.

The important thing is to learn to recognise when you are using one of the unhealthy methods of conflict resolution and to develop healthy conflict skills instead. In particular, you want to avoid escalation because it is not a productive method. Escalation tends to escalate, and in the long run, it can end in a serious fight.

To help you identify whether you are escalating, or if you are simply dealing with the conflict in the wrong way, there are some simple rules:

Rule 1: If someone is angry, that doesn't mean that they're trying to bully you. Anger is a natural emotion and it's completely normal. It means that they are feeling upset or hurt.

Rule 2: It is never OK to ignore someone when they are talking to you, no matter how hurt they may be. When someone is angry or hurt, you have a responsibility to listen. If they want to talk, listen to them. If they are not interested in talking, you have a responsibility to let them know this, even if it is rude.

Rule 3: Do not make threats. Threats are always a bad idea, even if you feel justified. They only increase the chances of the situation escalating. This includes telling someone they are stupid, that they have to do things your way or that they are not smart enough. These kinds of comments are disrespectful and will usually escalate the situation.

Rule 4: Don't put other people down. If you think someone is being ridiculous, don't agree with them. If you disagree, say why you are. That way, you can point out the logical inconsistencies in their argument. Then, if you want to, you can also show them the logic in your view.

How to turn an angry impulse into a constructive force?

To turn an angry impulse into a constructive force try the following:

1)Recognize that your anger is only temporary and that it will pass:

Negative feelings often come and go. They are not permanent. If you allow your emotions to last, they will always win. So learn to ride the waves of emotion. By doing this, you are not allowing yourself to be ruled by feelings.

2) Focus on the positive aspects of the situation:

Positive energy is the real driver of change. Anger is like a car that has broken down, and you must fix it. When you focus on what is positive and healthy, you have a better chance of being able to use emotion for motivation.

3) Take the time to analyze the cause of your anger:

Negative energy and bad behavior should not be used as excuses for not getting better. Instead, use them as information. Ask yourself why you reacted the way you did. If you are genuinely curious, the answers may surprise you. Understanding the cause of your anger will help you to change your behaviour and prevent you from falling back into old habits.

4) If you can’t understand the cause of your anger, ask someone who knows you well:

 Removal of obstacles is important. It can be hard to recognize your own emotions. But when you’re upset, it can be helpful to get perspective from someone who knows you well. A therapist or a friend can help you to put things into perspective, and also provide some emotional support. If you don’t feel like talking to someone, you can read a book or journal. 

5) Try not to react in the moment:

The sense of injustice that you feel when you are angry can fuel your anger. If you feel like you are being treated unfairly, it can be tempting to respond negatively. However, if you try to take a step back, you may find that the situation changes and you can actually think about a way to handle it differently.

6) Do not engage with the other person's negativity:

An angered person often struggles to think clearly. But when you are angry, it can be challenging to remain calm and collected. Be careful not to fuel the negativity of the other person. If they seem upset or angry, avoid taking part in the blame game. If you’re having a difficult time not being reactive, remember the saying, “Don’t feed the dog!” Don’t let the other person drag you down with their negative energy. Just walk away, or say, “Excuse me, I need to finish my thoughts.”

7) Avoid reacting from repressed emotion:

Repressed emotions are like viruses.  If they are left untreated, they will return. So don’t bottle up your emotions. Talk to a loved one or therapist about your anger and other difficult emotions. You will be surprised how much better you feel after expressing yourself.

8) Avoid acting purely from your anger:

Anger without action is like a wild animal that can never be tamed. If you are angry, try to identify a specific goal or purpose for your anger. For example, if you feel frustrated with someone, ask yourself if it is possible to find a way to work together that meets both of your needs. Or, if you feel like you are being treated unfairly, ask yourself what you would do if you were in the other person’s shoes.

8) Use problem-solving:

Anger can lead to an unpleasant feeling of powerlessness. If this happens, take advantage of the problem-solving skills that you have developed. You can learn to make decisions and solve problems in new ways. This is especially true if you are able to look at the situation from another person’s point of view. By being able to see the world through another person’s eyes, you can avoid being ruled by your emotions.

9) Accept anger as a natural reaction:

The body's stress response is designed to protect us from a real threat. In certain situations, it is normal to feel angry and powerless. You can accept this feeling as a part of the human experience. If you choose to remain angry, it may be helpful to practice mindfulness to calm your body and mind.

10:Practice appreciation of anger:

unexpressed anger is like a ticking time bomb. It can explode and destroy everything in its path. If you express your anger and learn to deal with it, it is unlikely to explode and cause harm. So learn to appreciate your anger instead of allowing it to consume you. This can be a great way to change the way you think about anger. Appreciate the positive aspects of your anger, including the opportunity to learn from it.


Turn Your Anger Into an Advantage

Don't underestimate the power of anger! You might feel like it's just a waste of time and energy, but it can actually propel you towards success and happiness. This is especially true if you use it to fuel your motivation and determination.

 

Written by Adewale Ademuyiwa
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