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Can't stop
over analysing things? 

Here's a tip on how your beloved PET can help you beat the over thinking problem in One Month

Note: if you struggle with the “over analysing problem” and you don’t own a pet, I’ll show you how you can use this strategy too.

Recognize this pattern?

It always feels like you are not coping well with your emotions. The pressures of life just keep coming and coming, and as you get older, it seems like there's just more and more.

Maybe when you were at university/college, it felt like you were going to crack under the pressure, so you thought as soon as Uni was over you are going to be happy and so much better, and then you weren't. 

Because when you finished Uni, you needed to find a job, and you couldn't find one for a long time and that made you so depressed. Now you are thinking, "everything will be fixed once I get a job, and I’ll be happy.” 

Then you finally get a really good Job, with good pay, but you still find that you are not coping. The good Job is really stressful. And on and on it goes. Nothing seems to fix this internal sense of feeling weak. In fact, everything just seems to make it worse. 

It’s almost comical how you can really hope for something to happen and then when it happens it’s just not how you thought it was going to be. 

And then maybe your friend and family members have been saying, we don’t like to see you so down and so unhappy. You always seem to have so much stress, and it never seems to get any better. We just wish that you would be happy. 

But you know you aren't happy because you feel like you don’t have the tools or the skills to just be happy and to cope. 

If you can relate, then I have a very important point to make that has the potential to dissolve all that commotion away. 

And what’s my point? 

Many people wrongfully assume that the reason they are bereft with stress is because they are somehow intrinsically weak and as a result, they can’t cope like everyone else clearly seems to be coping. 

And in their efforts to cope better, they try to think ahead through their problems, hoping that they won’t get caught out by some form of calamity that they weren't prepared for. 

And here in lies the problem.... 

You see, that internal sense of commotion I described above does not exist because you are weak, it exists because the well-meaning attempt to solve your problems before they happen, have sadly resulted in something I call the ”over-analysis whirlwind trap.” 

What does this mean? What can you do to get rid of it? 

This is exactly what I am going to share in this article. 

How Stacey Overcame Her
Over-analysing Problem in 30 Days

Stacey came to me with this huge frustration

"I find myself over thinking every possible threat or minor thing in my life, so much so, they gain control over me and become all too consuming."

She continued…

“If not for Maple, I would have ended everything by now”

Maple is the name of her dog, an adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

She continued…

“The problem is that although I love every moment I spend with her, the minute I have to put her down, all the negative painful thoughts come rushing back.” 

Sounds familiar?

You know how those negative thoughts keep flooding back as soon as you stop doing something engaging or important?

Well, in this article I’d like to share how Stacey used my Bonjela Technique, and the comfort she experienced from Maple her Cavi, to overcome her persistent over thinking problem in 30 days.

I call this technique the Ultimate Pet Support Method.

Then I’ll show you where you can download a 100% free worksheet that walks you through exactly how she did it, so that you can potentially get similar or better results.

To learn more, keep reading.

But first, just in case you are wondering…. “What’s the bonjela technique?”

I filmed a short video, live on-line, showing one of our readers how to use the bonjela technique.  You can watch that in the link below:

Important note: The bonjela technique only solves part of the over thinking problem; to get the full benefit from using it, you need to come back here to read the rest of this article.

Here’s the link to the video tutorial: Note how happy her voice sounds at the end of the video.

The Bonjela Technique: Video Tutorial on how to stop distressing thoughts

How Stacey used my Bonjela Technique to beat her over thinking habit 

Essentially, the bonjela technique helps you to stop the compulsive thinking immediately whenever you want. However, being able to stop the excessive thoughts is only half the battle.  If you stop here, your over analysing habit will keep resurfacing due to 2 major obstacles.

Stacey had to overcome these 2 obstacles to break through her over thinking problem and I am sure you’ll recognise these obstacles too.

Next, I reveal the 2 obstacles so that you can avoid falling for them, and then I’ll take you through the step by step technique Stacey used.

Obstacle 1: " Good Intentions"

The first obstacle to breaking free from the over thinking habit is “OUR GOOD INTENTIONS.”

Sounds confusing?  Let me clarify.

You see, Stacey believed that a lot of the life problems she now faced were because of the many wrong decisions she’d made in her past.

For example- Not making the best use of the opportunities she had when she was younger resulting in the financial mess she was in; or not choosing the right father for her children, which meant the kid’s didn't have a dad around to care for them or keep them in order.

As a result of these past mistakes she often thought-

“How did I let things get this bad?  Now I feel like I have to keep analysing every stupid mistake I've ever made in my life to make sure I don't fall for the same traps again.”

After ten years of relying on the above way of thinking, Stacey realized that despite thinking like this for so long, she was still falling for the mistakes she was trying to avoid.

Her good intentions to avoid making mistakes by trying to learn from the mistakes were contributing to the over-thinking problem and then this was promoting more life problems for her.

If you can relate with Stacey’s experience so far, you are probably thinking,

“What do I do now?  It all seems like a no win battle.”

But there’s hope, as stated earlier. Stacy eventually broke out of her over analysing pattern.  She developed the ability to ride the storm with a sense of controlled calm, no matter what was happening in her life.

And no, it is not that she became complacent with her problems; she did something that made her a lot more effective at dealing with her life problems, and I’ll share exactly what she did later in the article.

Next I’ll touch on what I believe was the biggest obstacle to overcoming over-thinking that Stacey had to face.  And I bet you’ll recognise this.

Obstacle 2: Real and multiple life problems

The biggest obstacle to dropping the over-thinking problem was that Stacey’s “problems were real and multiple in nature." 

Getting everything done, whilst feeling so much pressure inside felt like an impossible task. 

There were so many different pressures she felt had to be done for fear that if she didn't do them, everything will pile up and her world would collapse 

  • Even the little things in every different area of life became a problem. 

  • She had a lot of stress at work. 

  • She had to keep trying to keep her relationship healthy. 

  • Family members keep telling her she needs to look after herself. 

  • She had to shower and wash her hair. 

  • She had to make time whilst doing all the above to see her boyfriend. 

  • She needed to shop for food, so she and the kids could eat the next day. 

  • She hated having to choose between things that she did and being forced to miss out on the other things. Like if she decided to get some food, do hair and her washing, then she couldn't see her boyfriend. So either way she always had to loose out   

Can you see how reasons for the “over-thinking whirl wind” just keeps on growing? 

However, a word of warning. I’d like to admonish you to not just conclude that you are doing this to yourself like so many people do. 

You see, Stacey was often frustrated that her family members and friends kept telling her to just ignore or stop thinking about stuff. 

This way of thinking creates a dangerous but hidden problem that most people fail to see, so if you can relate, I want you to take note of this.  

The over-thinking problem IS NOT YOUR FAULT. And Science has evidence that backs this up as well. I discussed this in my article where I introduce something I call…  

"The Emotional Sabotage.”

You see, when faced with multiple real life problems, the emotional sabotage naturally encourages us to fall into a “There’s no way out syndrome.”

This has a tendency to sabotage our ability to cope by over exaggerating the catastrophes created by the threats we face.  As a result, we naturally use all our time and energy for trying to break free of the problems because this feels like the wisest thing to do.

The consequence is that we end up putting little or no effort into learning skills that sustain us whilst in the process of addressing our real life problems.

We take it for granted that we will be able to cope, but eventually begin to feel like we are crumbling under the weight of the problems.  The side effect of this is that our over thinking naturally becomes intensified and this is the dangerous hidden culprit caused by real life problems.

Now, in the free worksheet below, I reveal the 3 step ultimate pet support method.  

This is the exact strategy I taught Stacey.  The technique enabled her to drop out of the over thinking pattern and it helped her feel more resilient and confident even though she was still faced with her real problems.

Below is a quick overview of the detailed step by step instructions you’ll find in the worksheet. I also make it crystal clear how this strategy can benefit you.

The 3 step Ultimate Pet Support Method for beating the habit of over thinking

I recently had a therapy session with a client who became suicidal because of an intense tendency to over think all the difficulty she was going through.    Fortunately, she owned an adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that literally helped to save her form this.    I wrote this article to share her experience and help anyone else who might be struggling with the same problem!

Most people assume wrongly that the problem with over thinking is over thinking itself.

However in my 20 plus years of working in the mental health field I have come to realise that the problem is not over thinking itself, but over thinking in a “mostly negative and inefficient way.”

When our thinking time becomes more effective we naturally experience a reduction in time spent thinking heavily and negatively.  But don’t take my word for it, try it out for yourself and see.

Here are the things you need for this technique to work

  1. You need to own a pet.  (if you don’t have a pet, please see the suggestions in the worksheet)

  2. Your relationship with your pet must be close enough to generate a warm soothing sensation.  Please refer to the bonjela technique for why this is necessary.

  3. You need to be able to generate this warm soothing sensations when you are describing your pet to other people even when your pet is not physically around.

  4. Then you need an A4 size diary plus pen.

Step 1: Do this  to break down your emotional barriers and boost your self-confidence (Here’s where your pet can help) 

Here's how this works.

You see, the bonjela technique helps us to become well practised at stopping painful thoughts from taking over our daily experiences. 

The benefit of this is often taken for granted.  

I once had a client, who was in so much physical pain due to severe arthritis that she had to walk curled over with a stick. Little did she realize that her over analysing habits contributed massively to the pain and the extent to which that pain was disabling her.  

After only one week of practising the bonjela technique, not only did she become less depressed and anxious, but to my amazement, she literally walked into the next session a little more upright and get this, She was without her stick as well. She confirmed that her pain was a lot more manageable.  

Now on the subject of pain, many people don't realize that conditions like depression tends to leave people with a vague sense of pain and body aches as well.  

Using the bongela technique can be a very effective way to manage this vague sense of pain.  

Click this link for a research paper on the connection between pain and depression.

To create the bonjela technique, I combined some of the most effective mindfulness and compassionate focus strategies. 

Click this link to watch a video on what The BBC had to say on the benefits of meditation on pain management, especially for looking after the brain.

Brain scan shows that meditation boosts the brain (You'll need a flash enabled browser to watch this).

Now on page 2 to 4 of the free downloadable worksheet below, I guide you through how to use the bonjela technique with the help of your beloved pet.

Then go to the next step.

Step 2: Use this 1 trick to turn problems that feel like lions into puppies.

What's the trick?

Regularly take time out for a practical objective review of problems.

SAY WHAT!!!

I know… Review of problems?

You’re probably thinking

“I already do too much of that; isn't that what I need to be breaking away from?”

It is wise to learn from past mistakes, and an objective review of the problems we experience helps us to achieve this. 

However there’s a trap to be aware of.  Whenever we focus on past mistakes or on what’s not going well in our lives, we can easily be sucked into a sea of overwhelming negative thoughts. 

This is the ”over-analysis whirlwind trap” I introduced at the start of this article.

And In step 2 I show you how to avoid this trap, so that you can learn from past mistakes and also learn from your present negative experiences without getting sucked into that sea of overwhelming negative thoughts. 

WARNING!!!

Please note: This has to be done in a specific way or you could end up in a distressing self-feeding negative cycle that triggers more intense anxious or depressive feelings.

Step 3: Avoid draining your Batteries!

The crucial point!

The more stressed you feel, the less able you will be to manage emotional sabotage.

The more emotional sabotage takes hold, the more likely you are to become overwhelmed and flustered in your thinking.  The end result is that you spend even more time over thinking.

To avoid this growing overload what we need to do here is to literally schedule out-time to take breaks and do activities that are refreshing for our mind and body.

Improvements to expect from using this strategy

  • Improved concentration
  • Increased ability to cope with emotions
  • Ability to work effectively for longer hours
  • Reduced experience of depression, anxiety or anger
  • Improved ability to plan, organize and manage things effectively
  • Reduced tendency to self-isolate
  • Reduced tendency to procrastinate
  • Improved stamina for bearing with difficult situations

It's just too scary, isn't it.

You see everyone around you coping with their work-life and expectations, like they have no care in the world.

No one else getting anxious. No one else losing the plot. No one else becoming so, deeply depressed.

And as you think of the pain you have to endure in your personal experience of "this dreadful thing they call working-life," you can just tell that everyone is looking at you. Judging you to see if you can hack it.  

But you can't see how  to get through it all.

You are just managing to get through each day. You know you are no longer living, you're just existing.

It gets more terrifying when you are at work since you can't be yourself. Your confidence level in yourself is so low due to the anxiety, the mood swings and the depression.

And it's worse because your boss or coworkers don't have a clue about emotional struggles.

Should you quit, give up and get a sick note from the doctor?

But If you quit, where are you going to get the money to keep up with the bills from. It feels like a lose/lose case all round.

So the question is...

How do you cope with the pressure of working-life when your depression, anxiety or high-stress levels make you feel drained and fatigued all the time.

that is why I decided to write this free email series to help anyone who is struggling emotionally to find their way out this unforgiving maze

It is a crash course in the skill of coping emotionally so that  you Never Lose or Quit Your Job Again

Because of Anxiety, Depression or Stress.

That's all folks

Written by Adewale Ademuyiwa
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