Enter your details and hit Grab Your Free PDF
You'll also get updates on simillar articles and videos.
We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.
How to Avoid Sacrificing Your Job Because of Anxiety And Depression.
Learn practical strategies for maintaining stable employment when you feel emotionally shattered and fragile.
Just type in your name and email address below and click GRAB IT.
A holiday that resets everything.
Because you know the only way you can go forward is to have some kind of reset button.
You can see what you are now. You can see what’s brought you here.
You've been through a lot in life, had a lot of bad times. And now you are battling anxiety and depression every single day.
But you can’t put back the clock.
You can’t go back and change what you've become.
You see, anxiety or depression on their own can be energy draining, but when they feed off each other, you simply lose the will to live.
And it's worse, when you’ve had to fight these two demons every day for years, trying every medication and every therapy and nothing works.
I mean, how much pain can one person be expected to tolerate?
What is the point? What is the way out?
Are there any answers?
Can I be painfully honest with you for a moment?
And I’m talking real brutal slap-in-the-face brand of honesty here. It’s going to be ugly and unexpected.
And I can almost guarantee you WON’T enjoy it.
But just in case it really annoys you, please remember that I am only telling you this out of respect to you. I want you to know the truth.
So here it is.
You know how you’ve been struggling to get rid of your anxiety and depression? Tried everything, and it’s just not working, right?
It’s because you are a Zombie.
And if you ever want to have a chance of breaking free of those hellish emotional problems, you’d better wake up.
Yes, I did. Sorry.
I know I’m calling you out, but the truth is I’m doing it out of love.
Because you see, like many people, you have fallen prey to the long-term brain washing violation of society.
You have been force fed so many lies that you’ve begun to live a lie.
Your Family members, friends, teachers, doctors and therapists have been lying to you.
Everyone has been lying to you.
Everyone tells you that your problem of anxiety and depression is as a result of your dysfunctional behaviours.
We teach you strategies to address negative thinking. We dole out tips for dropping your dysfunctional habits. We give you a pep talk and make you believe that this is the only way to overcome your emotional problems.
There’s one really big thing we’ve been leaving out. Here it is:
Now, you probably have one eyebrow raised thinking…
“This guy’s gone totally mad.”
But you know what?
I wish I was actually mad!
I wish everything I am going to tell you right now was completely wrong, because if I am wrong, maybe many more people will actually find the path to recovery faster.
Then, so many won’t have to suffer anxiety and depression in dreadful silence for so long.
But here’s the thing…
Surprisingly, over the last 20 years of my experience as a mental health professional, I have seen a consistent pattern.
Every single person who overcame their problems with anxiety or depression did so because they relied less on certain habits that were beneficial to them.
Habits that were positive.
But here’s why we all fall prey to these habits in the first place.
As you start reading through each of the following 37 positive habits below, you will notice a niggling voice at the back of your mind saying…
“I don’t think this is a habit. Isn’t this a person’s personality?”
Be wary of that voice, because what it’s really telling you is…
“Surely if a behaviour is a person’s personality, IT CANNOT BE CHANGED?”
In other words, you can’t change. You are stuck where you are with anxiety and depression forever.
Your fate has been sealed. Nailed to the coffin.
There’s no hope for you.
This is the zombie mindset talking!
AND IT’S ALL WRONG!
The truth is that your personality is made up of a combination of your genetic makeup and loads of habits you've learnt, over the years right from childhood.
Your genes did transfer some of the traits you now have from your parents down to you.
But this is where things start to get interesting…
You see, science has now proven that our genetic makeup can be changed and in fact continues to change right through our lifetime. It is not set in stone.
In other words, you don’t have to settle for the anxiety or depressive genetic traits your parents might have passed down to you.
So as you read through the lists of habits, remember that your personality is not set in stone. It can be changed.
(See the links at the end of this article for evidence that genes can be changed by continuous effort on your part)
Start challenging the habits that hold you back.
Refuse to conclude that they are behaviours that can’t be changed.
At the end of the article, I will show you where you can download a PDF that walks you through a simple 4 step strategy for combating the negative impact these habits have on your mental health.
So without further wasting of time, let’s jump into the 36 habits that cause relapse in anxiety and depression.
Your parents may have told you to be tough. Like they said, “don't cry.” If you are playing sports, and you get injured, “they said that doesn't hurt, just get up.”
With this habit, you feel it’s a weakness to show emotions. You want people to know you are not going to be messed around with easily or manipulated.
However, this stops you from allowing yourself to be human.
It makes you ashamed of showing emotions.
Without realizing it, you become too hard on people. You expect too much from them. You also expect too much of yourself, and this makes you impatient demanding and cold to yourself and other people. It becomes a huge source of stress, frustration, anxiety and depression.
This habit is developed as a result of being burnt in many relationships and friendships. The habit protects you from finding yourself in similar situations again.
However, the more you protect yourself, you end up seeing the bad in people before seeing the good, or you see the potential to be hurt by others before seeing the potential to be loved or protected.
As you protect yourself, you naturally start to keep people at arm's length.
The unintended outcome is that you isolate yourself, which invariably makes life painfully lonely.
This habit has a high potential of causing agoraphobic related problems. It tends to make people feel lost in life. It feeds anxiety by making you feel vulnerable in different social situations. And can lead to a life where you can’t achieve fulfilment from life.
This habit is a powerful habit indeed. It can help you open doors to many positive life experiences.
However, you can become so confident that you fail to notice when things are going bad around you. This hits you by surprise and can lead to developing a tendency to be constantly second-guessing yourself.
The question becomes, “if I missed such a big problem, I wonder what else I’m missing.” You become that person who always cross checks every decision with others to avoid any more mistakes.
This habit can potentially trigger problems with both anxiety and depression.
This habit causes you to get bored with normal life.
Like an adrenaline junkie, you find yourself forever driven to conquer a new skill and master new knowledge areas. Sadly reaching any goal or achievements never satisfies your urge to achieve because life becomes mundane again, leaving you hungry for your next fix.
The drive becomes so intense that it results in high-stress levels and propagates high anxiety feelings that seem to pop out of nowhere.
This habit can turn you into a bitter person if something happens to take your opportunities for achievement and success away.
Like an award-winning artist who no one cares about anymore. Most people find that life becomes boring, and you become prone to low self-esteem problems.
With this habit, people like having you around as you are the soul of the party. You are the one joking, making everyone laugh.
This habit often comes off the back of needing to be liked by others. It provides a feedback loop that can make you feel like a confident and likeable person.
This habit becomes a problem if the energetic and exciting person is a projection of what you want people to see. Since you are not letting anyone see the real you, it leads to loneliness and increased feelings of vulnerability.
As such even if you are surrounded by crowds of admiring people, this habit has a strange way of draining the pleasure out of social situations.
It eventually leads to burn out, increased anxiety, paranoia and depression.
Another powerful habit, which can give you peace of mind in the correct situations.
However, it can make people rely heavily on you. And if you don’t know how to say no, you can quickly get overloaded with too much stuff to do.
You also become good at noticing potential problems, which can then lead to increased anxiety if the problems are beyond your ability to control.
This habit becomes a problem because the better you get at catching risks, the more you might find yourself on red alert.
The awareness of risks naturally takes over everything. It takes the enjoyment out of many things you do.
Life becomes all about avoiding risks so you are always tense, under pressure and anxious.
With this habit, you’ll tend to have the world's problems on your shoulder. There’s often a strong interplay between feeling responsible and feeling intensely guilty.
You'll find it hard to let go of things you feel you can help other people with even when you know you don’t have time to help.
You'll frequently take on other people’s worries and problems. However, at the same time, you’ll feel funny about letting other people take on some of your own problems.
As a result, the sheer weight of everything you feel responsible for becomes overwhelming. Then end up carrying a massive amount of toxic stress which easily promotes anxiety problems.
As a side note, I’ve been amazed that many of my clients diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome have this habit as a common trait.
Obviously the health, financial and security needs of your family members are essential things to protect. Not doing so would be neglecting and abusive.
However, ensuring that your family members are protected from harm can become a habit which drives anxiety and depressive problems because you can get so caught up in safe guarding them that you stop enjoying your life.
Your social life may even become non existent. As everything you do becomes about more protecting your family, everyone will begin to see you as the strong person in the family. So they naturally dump their issues on you whilst at the same time, fail to see that you need support too.
You end up in arguments with your family members since they can’t see the potential problems you can see. As you keep trying to protect them, they will complain that you are being too pushy and controlling.
This will result in you feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and you may become a negative and critical person who is always stressed, anxious or depressed.
Time runs away with you. This habit helps to keep your mind occupied which can be a great relief if your mind has the tendency to go at a hundred miles an hour about various issues in your life.
Sadly, this habit becomes a strong culprit that stops you dealing with past issues. The past issues build up and up till you explode or cry at the most unexpected and embarrassing times.
This habit is great because it can make you a dependable person in many situations.
However, if your sense of self-worth and sense of purpose comes from doing things, you’ll feel like you don't have any intrinsic self-worth from just existing.
You’ll most likely believe that you have to keep actively doing things In order to feel like you have the right to exist in this world.
This habit tricks you to prioritize work over everything else.
But the worst trap perpetuated by this habit is that you believe that the only way to avoid becoming depressed is by remaining active and energetic.
“If I stop, I’ll become depressed. I have to keep on going.”
Sadly, this belief system perpetuates your depression by stopping you from taking pleasure in enjoyable, relaxing things like sitting down and reading a book, spoiling yourself or anything that would give your brain a break.
You feel nice things are wasted on you and feel guilty and bad for indulging.
This becomes a stressful life where you don't have time for your important relationships. Life gets boring and uneventful, which then perpetuates feeling lonely and even more worthless.
This habit enables you to see potential pitfalls in people's ideas or plans and in most cases creates a strong desire in you to protect them from it.
The drive to protect is magnified ten fold if they are people you love.
Sadly, this habit causes you to get into arguments with people you love because as you try to open their eyes to the potential pitfalls, you see, you unintentionally invalidate their feelings and make them feel small and worthless.
This habit causes a lot of stress in relationships. It has the potential to turn you into an angry bitter person, especially when people don't listen to you.
As you see those things that can go wrong, your anxiety will often skyrocket, leaving you feeling on edge most of the time.
With this habit, you can get so neurotic about planing that it takes over your life.
You see too big a picture as you attempt to uncover all eventualities.
Unfortunately, as this habit takes hold, ad-hoc situations become increasingly stressful and anxiety provoking. The uncertainty becomes overwhelming. This pushes to try to plan better and becomes a never-ending cycle that erodes your sense of self-confidence.
You put your heart and soul into anything you do because if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.
This habit makes you a dependable person.
However, if this habit contributes to making you depressed or anxious, it tends to do so by making you impatient towards the people around you.
You become prone to judging people heavily for not thinking things through when they make mistakes.
You can’t stand people who keep getting the same things wrong especially if you’ve taken time out tell them what they should be doing.
This habit has a tendency to generate a massive anger problem, which may make you do things that hurt people you associate with. The pressure from the anger then causes stress, which can then lead to anxiety problems.
With this habit, you become that person who won’t budge once you believe your way doing something is the only right way.
This tends to rub people up the wrong way and affects your close relationships negatively. This habit causes you to invalidate the feelings of others, making it difficult to be successful at having stable long-term relationships.
It potentially leads to loneliness, bitterness, frustrations and stress-related problems.
Say what!! I know, but before you tune me out, I am not saying it is bad to be a good caring parent. However this is why this habit can lead to relapse.
This habit makes you neglect yourself and your partner.
If you are always doing stuff with the kids, you won't have time for self-improvement.
Since you won’t have time, your partner’s likely to feel like "the second best." The result is an increase in stress from things you have neglected, which then perpetuates anxiety problems.
This habit can also lead having no time for yourself.
Also leads to neglecting your family member’s needs, which eventually generates feelings of bitterness from family members. Leading to arguments, rebellion from kids, being stressed out or having a complete meltdown.
As a creative person, you potentially have an over active imagination. Whilst this imaginative mind is a beautiful thing for creating art or music, etc, it can also create the potential to think too much and develop huge negative scenarios in your mind.
This habit makes potential negatives experiences come to live in full-blown colour in your mind. And since creativity comes with a lot of feelings. The negative scenarios you imagine easily push you into distressing intense emotions.
This then leads to feeling anxious if the scenarios are negative predictions about the future and lead to depression if the imaginations are about past painful issues.
With this habit, you train your family members to dump their problems on you regularly. You keep having to drop everything you are doing to meet their needs.
You become a sounding board. An unofficial therapist. Their burdens become your burdens, and this becomes an additional pressure that could lead to naturally this feeds stress and anxiety and depression.
Then you go through mixed feelings of resenting the situation and then feeling guilty that you are resenting it.
You may also feel like no one cares about you as your personal needs are being ignored by your family members.
You can’t stand the injustice you see perpetuated in the world. When you watch something on the news that is unfair, even if it is not related to you, it bugs you for days.
Whilst this is a noble habit to form, you’ll discover that in some situations the habit will force you down emotionally exhausting paths that you don't really want. It can make you depressed from feeling powerless and guilty for weeks.
You become very good at doing something. Maybe good at writing computer programs or good at using social media. The habit gives you a lot of pleasure so you spend most of your time doing it.
Unfortunately, this steals important opportunities to develop other essential life skills like social skills.
This potentially leads to problems like social anxiety, agoraphobia, intense shyness, etc.
This habit usually becomes a problem when it is formed because of the need to be a likeable person.
You become sensitive to how people relate to you. You expect everyone to understand and be empathetic towards situations, be it yours or someone else's situation. And if people aren’t sensitive, you feel upset, frustrated or violated.
At extremes, you’ll end up wearing your heart on your sleeve even when you don't want to.
You find yourself embarrassingly bursting into tears at the oddest of moments.
This habit can be driven by the need to avoid feeling vulnerable. You don’t want to be at the mercy of another person needing their support. You work hard against anything that would put you in such a situation.
As a result, you often become drained from having to be so strong all the time. You frequently get pushed over the edge because you don’t reach out quick enough when things are difficult.
Due to this habit, you tend to keep quiet when you feel people are not going to understand you.
This gets worse when you feel hurt or disappointed by people who you thought had your best interest at heart. You clam up and hold your thoughts to yourself as you try to figure things out and resolve how you are feeling on your own.
As a direct result, you find that your periods of distress tend to last long. You get stuck in cycles of disagreements with people you love. This can potentially make you lonely, frustrated, irritable, and depressed and anxious.
You become dependent on the few friends you have.
As such, whenever you fall out with them, you end up being painfully lonely. This may make you put up with negative treatment from the few friends because you are too scared to lose them. Which impacts your self-esteem negatively.
An unexpected impact of this habit is that you lose the skill to develop new trustworthy friends. This can lead to feeling paranoid when around new people, you don’t know too well, and can trigger problems like social anxiety and agoraphobia.
This habit becomes frustrating if you are never able to see any of the ideas through to the end. You start working on an Idea, then a new idea pops into your mind taking you toward a different direction.
This often becomes a source of massive conflicts in relationships, with family members and with business partners at work.
You begin to feel embarrassed as people keep pointing out your lack of progress, which leads to second guessing yourself and procrastinating on making decisions. This habit can propagate intense anxiety and stress.
You keep working out how to make things go smoothly for everyone else.
The impact of this habit is worse if you are the host of a social event.
You worry that people will not enjoy themselves, so you create backup plans for everything. And then you create even more backup plans for the backup plans.
You forget to cater to your own needs and well being.
In many cases, this habit is really a protective shield that keeps you so busy thinking about everyone else so that you don’t have to think of things you hate about yourself, your life and your struggles.
This habit also erodes your chances of having fun in life. It breathes a huge amount of anxiety into life. And since everyone assumes you are coping, your emotional needs get neglected for so long that you eventually have a breakdown.
Withthis habit, you do your best to figure out everything about the meeting.
You have a huge fear of being caught out. You don’t want to say anything that might make you come across as dumb or stupid. So you want to have the answers to any questions that might be asked.
Trying to anticipate and find problems before they arrive leads to huge paranoia. You always go to the negative and try to prevent the worst outcome before the event happens. Unfortunately, this habit tends to feed a sense of low self-worth.
The more preparations you make, the more reliant you become on making preparations.
You conclude that the preparations are what’s saving you, so your confidence in your own ability to be an interesting and worth wile person becomes eroded.
You unintentionally train people to take you for granted and treat you horribly.
After a while, this can lead you to feeling bitter because your sacrifices will go unappreciated.
But what’s worse is that the person you are forgiving may begin to place unfair expectations and demands on you making you feel more like a rag being walked all over.
The frustration and bitterness can eventually lead to problems with depression and anxiety.
This habit tends to feed procrastination.
If you know you can get things done at short notice, there will be a tendency to leave a lot of things to the last minute, which then leads to a huge amount of stress if too many things pile up.
Worse, you end up with finished pieces of work that undermine your true potential and abilities.
If you are in a relationship with someone who likes to get things done on time, this habit will lead to never-ending arguments. This habit has the potential to create massive amounts of tension and anxiety problems.
With this habit. You’ll find that you never have enough time to do many things you need to do. It leads to problems with lateness at work due to the classic OCD type issues.
It can be a huge source of stress and tension in your family if people don’t have the same desire from keeping things neat and tidy.
You may end up being lonely because many friends shy away from you. The loneliness then feeds depression and anxiety problems.
Principles are a good thing to have. They contribute to our sense of Identity. They help us clarify our standards and contribute to our sense of what is right or wrong.
So you may have a strong principle that your 3 year old should not watch more than 30 mins of TV per day, and that you should spend a lot of time entertaining your toddler as a parent.
Sadly, principles could become a massive source of guilt for you.
Making you feel like you are failing at the things you stand for. If your principles are so strong, they can make you miserableness, depressed and anxious. This gets worse if close friends and family members keep trying to force their own principles on you, especially if this violates your principles.
This habit is driven by the belief that your kids may be permanently scarred if they see you express negative emotions.
As such you try to protect them by hiding your feelings. You try to be strong when you are around your kids.
This habit forces you to pile negative emotions up until the negative emotions start to burst out involuntarily.
It then becomes a source of huge guilt, which can eventually lead to depression.
You may be surprised that exercise is on this list as it is often touted as a natural tonic against anxiety and depression by most gurus.
Sadly, you may fall for the trap of using exercise in the same way as alcoholics and drug addicts.
In other words, you use exercise as a way to block painful emotions and memories. And since you get a temporary boost of dopamine, you keep coming back for more.
The big problem here is that you can literally spend 70 years not dealing with distressing issues in your life and this will keep perpetuating anxiety or depressive problems for you.
It's just what happens.
So you are the leader of the pack.
Everyone in your clique listens to you. No one challenges you.
You delegate tasks to people, even though you are not at work, and you are not their boss.
You come up with Ideas for everyone else to follow. And you’ve become used to being in this position in the minds of all your friends.
The problem with this habit arises when your spouse, partner or business partner has the leadership habit as well. This then leads to disagreements and frustrations. At extremes, this habit can cause bitterness, depression and anxiety problems.
This habit is commonly learnt if you have been at the mercy of controlling manipulative people (like parents, partners, spouses, etc.).
You have seen first-hand how painful it is to endure being controlled by someone else and thought of being like them makes you want to vomit.
So you work hard on ensuring you don’t become a controlling person.
You try your best to avoid controlling your kids, but then they become unruly and difficult to manage.
You try your best to avoid controlling your partner/spouse, but then you end up in a relationship where you are being controlled.
This habit becomes a huge catalyst for feeling bitter. Everything feels unfair. You sacrifice so much for people to let them be, and then they abuse, neglect and walk all over you.
I am all for being loyal to parents. After all our parents make massive sacrifices for us. As a parent myself, I know how much parenthood takes.
However, there comes a time when you need to be able to accept that your parents may be a contributing factor to your depression or anxiety problems.
Especially if they were…
Always tough on you
Never showing you that they go through negative emotions too.
Making you too responsiblee for things from a very early age
Loyalty to your parents can stop you from accepting that they may be contributing factor to your emotional problems, which then lead to you blaming yourself 100% for struggling?
In my experience, this becomes a blockage that maintains a lack of recovery from depression or anxiety problems.
The guilt from not being able to cope eats you up so much that you have no time or mental space to learn what you need for breaking through emotionally.
As you read through this list of 36 positive habits, chances are you've become increasingly depressed.
You can see many of these habits in yourself.
You can see how they’ve been dragging you down and why it’s been a daily struggle to stay positive and carry on.
I have added to your struggle by telling you that the positive things you do to cope with your pain and struggles are the sources of your problems.
It's like i am basically telling you to stop breathing.
Yes, I know this article challenges many common ways of thinking.
But if you think about it.
The critical problem in our world to day is that most people are going in the same direction, doing the same things to keep well.
And yet expecting different results.
But as that old saying goes...
The fastest way to madness is to keep doing the same things and expecting a different outcome.
So, the best solution is to start experimenting with new ways of thinking about your emotional struggles.
And start trying out new ideas.
This gives you a better chance at achieving super effective results for maintaining recovery.
I know some may say I am too much of an optimist to say this, but you see, I believe that impossible situations can become miracles.
I believe in miracles...
And I believe a miracle can happen for you. Freeing you from the torment of anxiety and depression forever.
As you work through the free downloadable worksheet below…
Imagine that you have a gorgeous looking boat.
It’s your prized possession.
You worked many years to save up and build it yourself.
The only problem, every time you take your precious boat out to sea, it leaks and sucks in bucket loads of water.
You’ve tried to block all the holes, but nothing you try works.
Unbeknown to you, some pesky alien has been coming by, every night, to cut big holes into the floor of your boat.
But you need a special type of glasses to see these holes because they are invincible to the naked eye.
Without these glasses, you’ll spend your whole life scooping water out of your boat trying to keep yourself from sinking.
What’s the lesson here?
You and the life you have worked so hard to build are the boat.
The aliens are all the negative people, all the negative experiences and all the bad influences you have come across in your life.
These negative experiences drove you to form positive habits to protect yourself.
But, these habits have become the blood sucking holes in your life.
Sabotaging you at every corner.
And today, in this article, I have handed you a special set of glasses that will help you see those holes clearly.
This way, every action you take to reduce reliance on those sneaky habits will become Ninja Effective at cutting down the hidden problems in your life…
Thereby giving you the reset button to blossom into the confident, happy person you want to be.
However you can’t just reduce reliance on these habits in an ad-hoc unplanned manner.
That would be a recipe for disaster.
You have to follow a structure.
A structure that reduces your reliance on the positive habits without sabotaging anything else in your life.
And the free download below helps you do just that.
Click the button below to download and start working on Your Simple 4 Step PDF Worksheet For Stopping Positive Habits From Sabotaging Your Mental Health.
Become a member and gain free access to audio versions of our articles.
Keep up with your busy schedule whilst listening & learning to cope better emotionally.