Working through traumatic memories and experiences can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing process.

It's easy to get stuck in cycles of anxiety and pain that seems never-ending. We might try to use strategies to calm down, but as the memories keep flooding back and our emotions keeps going sky hihg we feel like we're getting nowhere. It can be discouraging and frustrating.

It's like being caught in a current, pulling us under, over and over.

But we can learn to navigate that current. We can learn to swim against it, to find moments of calm and stillness in the midst of the turmoil. It may take time and effort, but it is possible.

One of the biggest challenges when working through trauma is falling into traps. These traps can keep us under the current and make us stuck in the cycle of pain and anxiety. What's sad is that these traps are often difficult to recognize and overcome.

But if we can become aware of the traps, we can learn to navigate them and break free from their hold. We can learn to swim against the current, to find moments of calm and stillness in the midst of the turmoil.

Good?

Let's dig into the first trap...

The first trap: The expectation trap

The first trap is something I call the expectation trap.

Let me elaborat with an example...

You see, when we first embark on our healing journey, we often have expectations of what it should look like. We might think that we'll be able to handle the learning process. We may know faintly that it won't be easy, But we still have an expectation on ourselves to make quick progress.

You might  even say out verbally that you know the healing process is hard and painful. But you still have unrealistic expectations of yourself  that you should be able to handle everything without any difficulty. So when you inevitably struggle, You feel disappointed and frustrated with yourself.

Essentially if you ever feel disapointed in yourdelf for struggling, you have falling into this trap too.

So it is crucial to alway remamber that...

Healing from trauma is not a linear process. It's more like a winding road, full of twists and turns and unexpected obstacles. It takes time, patience, and a lot of hard work.

In addition, just like someone who has no training in marketing can't be expected to sell products like a master sales man. The reality is that it may take upwards of 10 to 20 years to learn all the ropes before you stop falling into common traps that novices fall into.

Similarly, it takes time, skill and effort to heal from trauma. You can't expect  to be able to navigate the complexities of the emotional world without training or experience.

The Second trap: The second level- emotional distress trap

The second trap that we fall into when working through trauma is what I call the "level two emotional distress" trap. This trap can be tricky because it's not just negative emotions that trigger us, but positive ones too.

Have you ever felt a surge of happiness or excitement, only to feel anxious or fearful right after? That's the level two emotional distress trap at play. It's like our minds are so used to feeling negative emotions that even positive ones become triggers for fear and anxiety.

You can also get so frightened of feeling negative emotions that the negative emotions become triggers for even more negative emotions.

This second trap, can be incredibly sneaky. And you are likely to fall into it if you're highly critical of yourself. 

For example, you start to feel anxious about something, and then you get frustrated that you're feeling anxious. And then, before you know it, you're in the second level, where your anxiety about feeling anxious is actually preventing you from moving forward and dealing with the initial trigger.

When working through trauma, this can be a major roadblock to progress. This is because we start to focus so much on the fact that we're struggling with our emotions that we forget to focus on moving forward.

How do you prevent falling into this second trap?

The key to avoiding the second trap is self-compassion.

We need to learn to be kind to ourselves and to treat ourselves the way we would treat our friends. It's hard to do, especially if you're used to being hard on yourself.

But with practice, you can learn to be more self-compassionate, and that can help you avoid falling into the level two emotional distress trap.

The Third trap: The mindfulness trap

The third trap is the mindfulness trap. This is a trap that many of us fall into, especially if we're prone to overthinking or overanalyzing. We go to a mindfulness program, and they tell us to focus on one thing, but our minds just won't cooperate.

Our thoughts keep drifting, and we get frustrated.

When dealing with trauma, it can be even harder to stay present in the moment. Our minds can easily get distracted by the same things we're trying to let go of. And that's when the mindfulness trap can feel especially frustrating.

It's easy to get caught up in thoughts of "I'm doing this wrong" or "why can't I just focus?"

But the truth is, It's normal for your mind to wander when you're trying to focus or practice self-soothing strategies to calm yourself down.

It's easy to get frustrated with yourself and feel like you're doing it wrong. And what most people don't realize is that the wandering is part of the process is actually what helps your brain get stronger it's ability to remain calm and focus.

As such the goal isn't to stop your thoughts from wandering altogether. The goal is to be aware when your thoughts have wandered, and then gently bring them back. Like doing reps at the gym. The more you recognize that your mind has wandered and bring it back, the stronger your brain gets.

So when you're practicing self-soothing strategies, don't get discouraged if your mind starts to wander. Start to look at this as a benefit because It means your brain is getting stronger. Just recognize that your mind has wandered, and then gently bring it back to the present moment.

The fourth trap: The pink elephant trap

The pink elephant trap is really strange.

You see, whenever we try to stop thinking about all those past negative experiences where we were hurt or broke down they become the pink elephant.

What that means is that, trying to block or push the painful memories and feelings away actually make them more prevalent. 

This is where the Pink Elephant Trap comes in. Just like trying not to think about a pink elephant makes it more prevalent in our minds, trying not to think about those negative experiences can make them even more dominant in our thoughts.

One way to overcome the pink elephant trap is Instead of trying to push away negative thoughts, try to acknowledge them without judgement and let them exist. 

When we try to push them away or ignore them, we often end up giving them more power over us, as they continue to haunt us and interfere with our daily lives.

By allowing these thoughts and memories to exist, we acknowledge their presence and take away some of their power. We can then work on processing them in a healthier way, whether that's through therapy, journaling, or other methods.

Allowing these thoughts and memories to exist can also help us build resilience and emotional strength.

When we learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings and memories without trying to push them away, we build our capacity to handle difficult situations in the future.

This can be especially helpful for those who have experienced trauma, as they may face triggers and difficult emotions on a regular basis.

It's important to note that allowing these thoughts and memories to exist does not mean that we should dwell on them or ruminate on them constantly.

Instead, it's about finding a balance between acknowledging their presence and working on processing them in a healthy way, while also focusing on the present moment and the things that bring us joy and fulfillment.

The fifth trap: The emotional sbotage trap

The emotional sabotage trap is a sneaky one.

When we become highly emotional, our ability to think clearly and make rational decisions is significantly compromised. We may find ourselves struggling to make sense of things that were once crystal clear, and feeling overwhelmed and helpless in the face of our emotions.

In this state, our beliefs and fears can become a hundred percent true in our minds, even if they are not logically sound.

For example, think about a time when you were feeling particularly anxious or stressed.

Maybe you were worried about a big deadline at work, or perhaps you were nervous about an upcoming social event.

In that moment, everything else fades away, and all you can focus on is the fear and worry that's consuming you. You may have even started to catastrophize, imagining all the worst-case scenarios that could happen.

Or maybe you've struggled with depression, and you know how easy it is to get caught in a cycle of negative self-talk. You start to believe that you're not good enough, that you're a failure, that you're worthless.

Even though you know on some level that these thoughts are illogical and untrue, when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, they feel like they're 100% true.

The emotional sabotage trap can be particularly insidious because it can make us feel like we're completely out of control. Like our brain has a separate mind of it own that is controling us.

To cope better with this trap, It's important to recognize that being emotional is a natural and healthy response to certain situations.

For example, when faced with danger or a threat, our bodies are wired to shut down logical thinking and respond with a fight or flight response.

For example, you're walking down the road, and a lion jumps out at you.

Are you gonna sit down and start trying to be logical about the experience?  No. Your emotions are going to shut down your logic completely and make you do things that you perhaps never thought you could do.

The heart breaking thing though, is that even when we're not faced with immediate danger, this emotional sabotage response can sometimes be triggered by our own thoughts and feelings.

That's why criticizing ourselves for being emotional can actually make the emotional sabotage trap worse.

When we judge ourselves for experiencing emotions, we add an extra layer of stress and pressure on top of what we're already feeling.

This can make it even harder to think clearly and make rational decisions, leading to a vicious cycle of negative self-talk and emotional turmoil.

Instead of being critical of ourselves for feeling emotions, it's important to approach ourselves with compassion and understanding. Emotions are a natural and necessary part of the human experience, and there's nothing wrong with feeling them.

When we approach our emotions with kindness and curiosity, we give ourselves the space to process them in a healthy way. We can learn to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgement, and work on building resilience and emotional strength in the face of adversity

The sixth trap: The strenghts and weakness trap

The strengths and weakness trap sounds like a paradox, doesn't it?

Yes, the strengths and weaknesses trap is a big one, and it's easy to fall into without even realizing it. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but when we focus too much on our strengths, we can actually be setting ourselves up for failure.

For example, Robin Williams was an incredibly funny person, but that strength may have also been a weakness for him. It's easy for others to assume that someone who is always making others laugh is always happy themselves, but that's not always the case.

It's possible that Robin Williams was using humor as a coping mechanism to deal with his own pain and struggles.

This is where the strength vs weakness trap comes in. We focus too much on improving our strengths with the hope that doing so will reduce our weaknesses. But this just makes other weaknesses that we don't realize exist grow stronger.

It's easy to fall into the strengths vs. weakness trap because we're often taught that we should focus on our strengths and work to improve them. But this can be a dangerous mindset, as it can cause us to neglect our weaknesses and become unbalanced in our approach to life.

Just like Robin Williams, who used humor to cope with his own pain and struggles, we all have strengths that we rely on heavily to get through life. But with every strength comes a parallel weakness, and if we don't address those weaknesses, they can grow stronger and start to impact our mental health and overall wellbeing.

But what if we shifted our perspective? What if we saw our weaknesses as opportunities for growth, instead of something to be ashamed of or hide away?

It's time to embrace the paradox of the strengths vs. weakness trap. Instead of focusing solely on our strengths, we need to learn to embrace our weaknesses and understand that they are an essential part of who we are.

Think about it: the things that we consider to be weaknesses may actually be the very things that we need in order to feel more balanced and strong. Like the person who is highly organized but struggles with flexibility - by acknowledging and working on that weakness, they can actually become more well-rounded and better equipped to handle the surprises that life inevitably throws our way.

How to void your recovery traps and achieve true healing

As survivors of trauma, we all desire to heal and move forward from the pain that has plagued us for far too long.

However, the unfortunate reality is that many of us will fail to achieve the recovery we so desperately seek. The six common recovery blocking traps highlighted in this article are all too real and can quickly derail even the most well-intentioned recovery efforts.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

We must actively work to overcome these traps and achieve true healing. We owe it to ourselves to break free from the patterns that have held us back for so long and embrace the possibility of a brighter future.

It's time to take action. Let's commit to facing our fears head-on and acknowledging the ways in which we have been holding ourselves back. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

We must be intentional about seeking out the resources we need and being open to new approaches to healing. Whether it's seeking out a therapist, joining a support group, or trying a new form of therapy, we must be willing to step outside our comfort zones and take action towards our healing.

We owe it to ourselves to break free from the chains of trauma and to live a life full of joy, hope, and purpose. So let's take that first step today and commit to overcoming the recovery blocking traps that have held us back for far too long. True healing is possible, and it's within our reach.

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