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Trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness

Her friends had tried to convince her that she was being paranoid, but she knew that something was off. 

The constant jealousy and possessiveness were driving her crazy. 

It wasn't until she started researching trauma-induced jealousy that she began to understand why she was feeling this way. 

In this article, we will explore the link between trauma and jealousy, and offer some strategies for managing these intense emotions.

Ready let's dive in...

How does past trauma create jealosy in relationships

Trauma can have a profound impact on a person's sense of security and trust in others. 

Traumatic experiences can leave individuals feeling vulnerable, unsafe, and powerless. As a result, they may struggle with feelings of insecurity, fear, and mistrust in their relationships.

These feelings can manifest as jealousy and possessiveness. 

Individuals may become overly possessive of their partners, fearing that they will be abandoned or hurt in the same way that they were in the past. 

They may become jealous of their partner's interactions with others, feeling threatened by any perceived threat to their relationship.

These behaviors can be damaging to relationships, leading to feelings of resentment, mistrust, and anger. It is essential to address these issues in a healthy and constructive way, rather than allowing them to fester and grow. 

Communication, empathy, and understanding can help partners work through these issues, allowing them to build stronger and more secure relationships. 


Obsessive thoughts of partner's past relationships haunt you

Why do I feel so jealous and possessive towards my partner?

Read these facts carefully. Jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship can be overwhelming and confusing. 

You may feel like you have no control over these emotions, but the truth is that they may be rooted in past trauma.

Traumatic experiences can impact a person's sense of safety and trust, leading to feelings of insecurity, fear, and mistrust in their relationships. 

These feelings can manifest as jealousy and possessiveness towards their partner.

Individuals who have experienced trauma may struggle with feelings of vulnerability and powerlessness, and may fear being hurt or abandoned by their partner. 

They may become hyper-vigilant and monitor their partner's every move, fearing that any interaction with others may be a threat to their relationship.

It is important to recognize that these feelings are not the fault of the individual experiencing them. 

They are a natural response to trauma and can be overcome with the right support and guidance. 

Communication, empathy, and understanding can help partners work through these issues, allowing them to build stronger and more secure relationships. 

Are obsessive thoughts of partner's past relationships normal?

Everywhere you look, there are reminders of your partner's past relationships. Maybe it's a picture on social media, a keepsake hidden away in a drawer, or just a passing comment they made. Whatever the trigger, you find yourself obsessively thinking about their past and feeling jealous and possessive.

It's important to understand that these obsessive thoughts may be a result of past trauma. Traumatic experiences can leave individuals feeling vulnerable and insecure, and past relationships can trigger these feelings of fear and mistrust.

When you're struggling with trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness, it can be difficult to control your thoughts and emotions. You may find yourself constantly thinking about your partner's past, obsessing over every detail and feeling overwhelmed by your own emotions.

It's important to recognize that these thoughts are not abnormal, but they can be damaging to your relationship if left unchecked. Communication, empathy, and understanding can help you work through these issues and build a stronger and more secure relationship with your partner.

How can I stop obsessing over my partner's past relationships?

You want to be free of your obsessive thoughts about your partner's past relationships. 

These thoughts can be related to trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness, which can make it difficult for you to trust your partner and create unnecessary tension in your relationship. 

However, there are practical strategies you can use to help ease these thoughts and build a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner.

One strategy is to focus on the present moment. 

When you find yourself dwelling on your partner's past relationships, try to redirect your attention to what's happening right now. Ask yourself questions like "What am I doing right now?" or "What's going on around me?" This can help ground you in the present moment and shift your focus away from past events.

Another strategy is to challenge your thoughts. 

When you have obsessive thoughts about your partner's past relationships, ask yourself if they're based in reality or if they're just assumptions or fears. 

For example, if you're worried that your partner is still in love with an ex, ask yourself if there's any evidence to support this belief. 

If not, try to let go of the thought and focus on the present.

You can also try to reframe your thoughts in a more positive light. Instead of thinking of your partner's past relationships as a threat to your relationship, try to see them as experiences that have helped shape who your partner is today. 

Remember that your partner chose to be with you, and that their past relationships are a part of what makes them who they are.

Finally, It's important to communicate openly with your partner and work together to build a strong, healthy relationship. By focusing on the present moment, challenging negative thoughts, reframing your perspective, and working with your partner, you can overcome obsessive thoughts about their past relationships and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship together.

How can I overcome trauma induced jealousy and possessiveness?

Trauma-induced possessiveness can be challenging to overcome. 

However, there are specific strategies and techniques that can help you manage these difficult emotions.

One effective way to handle obsessive thoughts is to challenge them with rational thinking. For instance, when you find yourself fixating on your partner's past relationships, ask yourself if these thoughts are based on actual evidence or if they are simply assumptions. 

Try to view the situation objectively and consider all the possible explanations for your partner's behavior.

Another helpful strategy is to practice self-care. 

Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, such as exercising, reading, or spending time with friends. This can help boost your self-esteem and reduce feelings of jealousy and possessiveness.

Additionally, it's essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how you're feeling. 

Instead of accusing them of wrongdoing, express your concerns and work together to find a solution. 

This can help build trust and strengthen your relationship.

Fear of partner cheating and emotional infidelity consumes you

How can I trust my partner not to cheat on me?

The fear of emotional infidelity is a common concern in romantic relationships, where one or both partners worry that emotional intimacy with someone outside the relationship could lead to a breach of trust or a romantic connection that threatens the relationship.

This fear may stem from previous experiences of being hurt or betrayed by a partner or may arise from insecurity, low self-esteem, or a lack of trust in the relationship. It may also result from a lack of communication or understanding of each other's emotional needs and boundaries in the relationship.

People who fear emotional infidelity may exhibit various behaviors, such as becoming overly jealous or possessive, demanding constant reassurance from their partner, or avoiding emotional intimacy altogether. These behaviors can strain the relationship and create tension and distance between partners.

But how do I actually buld the trust back again?

Building trust in a relationship is like cooking a delicious meal. To create a satisfying and fulfilling dish, five essential elements are required:

  1. High-Quality Ingredients - Just as a chef selects the best ingredients for a dish, partners in a relationship should choose each other for the right reasons. Mutual respect, shared values, and a deep emotional connection are some of the essential ingredients for building trust.
  2. Clear Recipe - To create a delicious meal, a chef needs a clear recipe. Similarly, partners should have a clear understanding of their expectations, boundaries, and goals in the relationship. A lack of clarity can lead to misunderstandings and confusion, which can erode trust over time.
  3. Attention and Care - Just as a chef pays close attention to each step of the cooking process, partners need to be attentive and caring towards each other to build trust. This involves active listening, empathy, and emotional support.
  4. Open Communication - Communication is like the heat source that cooks the meal. Partners should be open and honest in their communication, sharing their feelings, concerns, and needs. By doing so, they can avoid misunderstandings and build mutual trust.
  5. Patience and Time - Just like a dish needs time to cook and mature, building trust takes patience and time. It's essential to be patient, committed, and willing to work through challenges and setbacks to build a strong foundation of trust.

What are the signs of emotional infidelity?

Emotional infidelity can be challenging to detect, as it often involves an emotional connection with someone outside the relationship that does not necessarily include physical intimacy. However, there are some signs that could indicate emotional infidelity, including:

Decreased Emotional Intimacy with Partner - If your partner becomes emotionally distant, less communicative, or less engaged with you, it could be a sign that they are investing their emotional energy elsewhere.

Secretive Behavior - If your partner becomes more secretive about their activities, such as spending more time on their phone or computer, or becomes defensive when asked about their whereabouts, it could be a sign that they are hiding something.

Increased Interest in Someone Else - If your partner talks excessively about someone else or spends more time with them than usual, it could be a sign that they have developed an emotional attachment to that person.

Decreased Sexual Intimacy - Emotional infidelity can often lead to a decrease in sexual intimacy with the partner as the emotional connection with someone else takes priority.

Changes in Behavior - If your partner starts to change their behavior or habits, such as dressing differently or being more distant, it could be a sign that something is amiss in the relationship.

How do I deal with the fear of my partner cheating?

Coping with this fear can be challenging, especially if it is linked to trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness. However, there are practical ways to manage this fear without resorting to boilerplate advice. 

  1. Reimagine your fear: Visualize your fear as an object, and mentally shrink it down to a manageable size. This can help you perceive it as something you can control and tackle, rather than an overwhelming force.
  2. Cultivate emotional awareness: Recognize when your fear arises and acknowledge its presence without judgment. Understanding your emotions can help you respond to them in a more constructive way.
  3. Find patterns in your thoughts: Pay attention to recurring thoughts or triggers related to your fear. By recognizing patterns, you can begin to challenge and reframe irrational thoughts, which will help you better manage your fear.
  4. Foster emotional intimacy with your partner: Deepen your connection by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your partner. Emotional intimacy can help create a strong foundation of trust and understanding, making it less likely for fears to take over.
  5. Develop an inner dialogue: When fear arises, engage in a conversation with yourself, asking questions such as, "Is there any evidence to support this fear?" or "Am I projecting my insecurities onto my partner?" This process can help you challenge irrational fears and focus on the reality of your relationship.
  6. Engage in activities that strengthen your bond: Focus on creating shared experiences and memories with your partner that reinforce your connection, trust, and love for each other. This can help alleviate fears and increase the resilience of your relationship.
  7. Utilize creative visualization: Imagine yourself and your partner in a loving, trusting relationship where both of you feel secure and fulfilled. Envisioning a positive future can help shift your mindset and reduce the power of your fears.
  8. Transform your fear into motivation: Instead of allowing your fear to consume you, use it as a driving force to work on strengthening your relationship. By proactively nurturing your bond with your partner, you can foster a sense of security and trust that leaves little room for fear to take hold.

Controlling behavior towards partner strains relationship further

Why am I so controlling towards my partner?

When a person experiences trauma, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and fear. 

These feelings can manifest as jealousy and possessiveness towards a partner. The trauma survivor may fear losing their partner, and this fear can lead to controlling behavior. 

They may feel the need to monitor their partner's every move, restrict their social interactions, and even become physically abusive. 

This behavior can strain the relationship further, as the partner may feel suffocated and trapped. They may feel like they're walking on eggshells, always trying to avoid triggering their partner's jealousy. 

This can lead to arguments and a breakdown of trust. The trauma survivor may also feel guilty for their behavior, which can lead to a cycle of self-blame and further controlling behavior. 

It's essential to address the underlying trauma and work on healing before the relationship can improve. 

Both partners need to communicate openly and honestly, and the trauma survivor needs to learn healthy coping mechanisms. 

It's important to remember that jealousy and possessiveness are not signs of love; they are signs of insecurity and fear. A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual support.

How does my controlling behavior affect my relationship?

When a person's controlling behavior is triggered by trauma-induced jealousy, it can cause serious strain on their relationship with their partner. 

This controlling behavior can manifest in various ways, including monitoring their partner's every move, limiting their communication with friends and family, and demanding constant attention and affection. 

One way this behavior negatively impacts the relationship is by creating a power imbalance, where the controlling partner holds all the power and the other partner feels helpless and trapped. This can lead to feelings of resentment and anger, causing the relationship to deteriorate rapidly. 

Another way this behavior impacts the relationship is by eroding trust and intimacy between partners. 

The controlling partner's actions can cause their partner to feel suffocated and unable to express themselves freely, leading to a breakdown in communication and emotional distance. 

Furthermore, this controlling behavior can lead to the controlled partner feeling like they are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to do or say anything that might trigger their partner's jealousy or possessiveness. This creates an environment of fear and anxiety, which is not conducive to a healthy and loving relationship. 

Inability to trust partner leads to constant arguments

Can I change my controlling behavior towards my partner?

Everyone knows that having controlling behavior towards one's partner can be damaging to the relationship. 

If you find yourself struggling with trust issues, it's essential to communicate with your partner about your concerns and work together to establish trust in the relationship. 

One strategy could be to set boundaries and agree on what is acceptable behavior. Additionally, working on building your self-esteem can help alleviate feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. 

This can be done by engaging in activities that make you feel good about yourself and focusing on your strengths. 

It's crucial to practice self-reflection and identify when your behavior is controlling and work on changing it. 

How can I improve my communication with my partner to avoid controlling behavior?

Listen to me, it's important to understand that improving your communication skills to avoid controlling behavior requires a change in perspective. 

One way to work on this issue is to focus on building trust with your partner. This can be achieved by being honest and open with them about your feelings and thoughts. 

For example, instead of accusing them of being unfaithful, express your concerns and ask for reassurance. 

Another way to improve communication is to practice active listening. 

This means giving your partner your full attention when they are speaking and reflecting back on what they said to ensure you understand their perspective. 

For instance, if they express their desire to spend time with friends, instead of immediately objecting, ask them about their plans and try to find a compromise that works for both of you. 

Additionally, it's important to avoid making assumptions about your partner's intentions or actions. 

This can lead to unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings. Instead, ask for clarification and avoid jumping to conclusions. 

For example, if they don't answer your call or text immediately, don't assume the worst, but rather ask them about their availability and respect their boundaries.

Lastly, it's important to work on managing your emotions and reactions. 

If you feel yourself getting angry or jealous, take a step back and try to analyze why you are feeling this way. Practice deep breathing or take a break to calm down before responding to your partner. 

By doing so, you can avoid saying hurtful things and damaging your relationship.

How can I learn to trust my partner?

You may find yourself feeling possessive and jealous, leading to constant arguments and disagreements. 

It's important to understand that these feelings may stem from a lack of security and safety in the relationship, rather than your partner's actions.

To work towards building trust, it may be helpful to have open and honest communication with your partner. Express your concerns and fears, and listen to their perspective. 

It's important to establish boundaries and understand each other's needs and expectations in the relationship. 

It can also be helpful to practice self-reflection and identify any patterns or triggers that may contribute to your feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. 

Taking responsibility for your own emotions and behavior can help you feel more in control and confident in the relationship. 

Additionally, finding healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety can improve your overall well-being and help you feel more secure in the relationship. This could include engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy and relaxation, or practicing self-care techniques such as exercise or spending time in nature.

What are some ways to rebuild trust in a relationship?

The problem is that trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness are causing constant arguments between you and your partner. 

It's important to take practical steps to rebuild trust and improve communication in the relationship. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Recognize your triggers: Start by paying attention to the situations or actions that trigger your feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. 

This can help you understand why you feel the way you do and come up with strategies to cope when those triggers arise.

2. Communicate openly and honestly: Talk to your partner about how you feel, why you feel that way, and what you need from them to feel more secure in the relationship. 

Be specific and avoid blaming or accusing language.

3. Practice active listening: When your partner expresses their feelings and concerns, listen actively and try to understand where they're coming from. Repeat back what they said to ensure you understood correctly.

4. Focus on building trust: Look for opportunities to show your partner that you are trustworthy. 

This could be by keeping your word, being reliable, and following through on commitments.

5. Take responsibility for your actions: If you make a mistake or do something that hurts your partner, take responsibility for it and make amends. 

This can help rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship.

Remember, these strategies take time and effort to implement. 

But with patience and persistence, you can overcome trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your partner.


Trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness and emotional withdrawal can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate.

It's important to remember that trauma-induced jealousy and possessiveness are not the fault of the individual experiencing them. They are a natural response to trauma and can be overcome 

Go back to>>> How to cope with Common Signs of Trust Issues After Trauma

Written by Adewale Ademuyiwa


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