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Do you struggle with negative chatter about yourself always going on in the background?
Do you find this completely hard to stop?
Well in this article, I'll be revealing the biggest common mistake people make which causes this to be near impossible to stop. Then I'll share one easy mindset tip to break free of this mental slavery for good.
So, has negative self-chatter become a reflex reaction for you? You keep blaming yourself that thing X has only happened because you did thing Y.
For example, imagine you were pregnant… You look around your living room and notice the place looks untidy and dirty. This leads to you thinking…
“Well it's because you are entirely lazy. You can't even put in the effort to go get a duster and clean the surfaces.”
Which then leads to…
“And you think a baby will be able to survive in this disgusting environment.”
And then you think…
“People like me shouldn't have children!”
Now if you are in a good mental space you might be able to push those thoughts away by trying to find evidence to prove or disprove them.
But if you are in a bad mental space you won't be able to see anything else. You'll be completely blinkered to that as the only version of truth possible.
Why do you keep flipping between these two states? Why can you just stay in that strong mental space where you can rebuff all negativity easily?
I’ll explain why…
You see, this inability to withstand negativity in your lower mental moments is created by a subtle emotional trap that locks you in many years of depression and anxiety. And it's crucial to recognize this trap to be able to break free of this negative pattern.
But how do you do that?
Imagine that you had a friend in your exact same circumstances. She is also pregnant and has a lounge looking untidy like yours. Would you tell her she's lazy? Would you jump straight into criticizing her?
Most likely not.
But why wouldn't you outright criticize her like you criticize yourself?
Perhaps it is because you think she deserves better. She is a good person who tries hard. She is not like you who’s always making a mess of things. This friend succeeds and is deserving of respect for her efforts.
But are you deserving of respect as well?
Now you're thinking you don't think so because you need to do better. Your friends have already achieved so much. They are balanced. They are able to separate out aspects of their life and are able to navigate it well.
They’ve got good jobs and happy lives.
They've got the ability to cope with whatever comes their way but you haven't. You go from messy situation to messy situation.
And though all of its unintentional, you conclude that it’s all of your own doing. And you feel this is stupidity not deserving of compassion.
But let's now imagine that this other person who is struggling like you.
She is 100% exactly like you.
She made bad decisions. Her life is a mess. She is struggling emotionally. She is not able to navigate her life. Not able to have a good job. Not able to cope with whatever comes her way. But who then irresponsibly brought a child into the world, when she knows she can't cope with her own life.
This person is exactly 100% like you.
Would you criticize her? Would you treat her badly and talk to her harshly?
Again, most likely your answer would be no.
Because you don't do that. You don’t treat others like that. That just isn’t you.
But then, this is exactly what you do to yourself because you feel you don't count.
And that’s where the problem lies.
Perhaps you never thought of this hard stance on yourself as a bad thing.
You've always thought of it as the only thing stopping you from becoming even more of a mess than you already are.
But this is the strong foundation holding all your negative self-chatter up.
And because you've done this so much, it has now become so second nature. Like a muscle memory that your mind reverts to easily at your weakest moments.
How do you overcome this?
The only way to over come this draining negative mental chatter is…
You’ve got to start giving the same compassionate judgement you have for others for yourself.
You've got to start practicing thinking this way over and over even if you don't believe it yet.
And if you do this your brain will take the baton from you and make this new self-compassionate way of thinking your new muscle memory. Once that happens, you’ll see right in front of your eyes that your anxiety and the depression will start to melt away for good.
That's all for today folks
Hope it helps towards making your life beautiful.
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