Are you tired of feeling disconnected and detached from your surroundings? Or do you find yourself constantly losing touch with reality? Learn how building a stronger sense of self can help you regain control.

Many people have a strong sense of self, which can be a good thing. A sense of self is necessary for us to function as independent individuals in society, and we all need to have a sense of self to have a stable identity.

But sometimes our sense of self gets clouded by the feelings of pain, which can prevent us from being as effective at coping with stress and challenges as we could be.

When dissociation occurs, people can feel disconnected from their bodies and from the outside world. This disconnection can interfere with daily functioning and create challenges with interpersonal relationships. The goal of therapy is to help people develop a strong sense of self and learn to identify and respond to feelings of pain.

This article you're about to read will show you how to build a strong sense of self. It will help you recognize and develop coping skills that will allow you to maintain your independence and achieve a healthier life.

Ready? let's dive in...

What does it really mean to develop a strong sense of self?

In the context of managing dissociation, developing a strong sense of self refers to having a strong and distinct sense of one's self. One way to do this is by being aware of your own feelings and thoughts, and being able to recognize your emotions as a response to your environment.

A good way to really understand this is to think of it as a camera. 

Just like a camera allows you to capture moments in your life that are happening, developing a strong sense of self allows you to capture moments of your life that are happening.

When you are able to capture those moments and look back on them, you can get a better understanding of who you are as a person.

Another powerful way to think about this to see developing a strong sense of self is like solving a puzzle.

The idea is that building a sense of self is a gradual process that requires effort and patience. It's a process that involves understanding who you are and what makes you unique, and how to navigate the different aspects of your identity.

Just like a puzzle, when you first start working on developing a strong sense of self, you may not know exactly what pieces to use or how they all fit together. For example, you might have experiences of dissociation, where you feel detached from yourself and your emotions. This can make it difficult to know what is real or who you are.

But as you work on the puzzle, you start to understand the different pieces that make up who you are and how to put them together. For example, you might learn to identify and acknowledge your emotions and how they impact your thoughts and actions. You might also develop better self-awareness, so you can understand why you react to certain situations the way you do.

Similarly, as you work on the puzzle of developing a strong sense of self, you learn how to cope with and overcome dissociation by being more grounded in the present and aware of yourself. Additionally, as you understand your own patterns and habits, you may find ways to improve your communication with others and build strong and healthy relationships.

Over time, as you continue to work on the puzzle, you'll gain a deeper understanding of who you are and what makes you unique, which will help you feel more connected to yourself and the world around you.

But... 

How do you know if you lack a strong sense of self

There are several signs that may indicate that you lack a strong sense of self. 10 of these include:

1. Difficulty making decisions: If you find it hard to make decisions or are easily swayed by others' opinions, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to trust your own judgment and make choices that align with your values and beliefs.
2. Difficulty setting boundaries: If you have trouble saying "no" to others or have a hard time setting and maintaining boundaries, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to assert your needs and maintain healthy relationships with others.
3. Difficulty expressing yourself: If you struggle to express your thoughts and feelings, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to communicate effectively and be true to yourself.
4. Difficulty identifying your values and beliefs: A strong sense of self is rooted in an understanding of your values and beliefs. If you find it hard to identify what you stand for, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self.
5. Constantly seeking validation and approval from others: If you find yourself seeking validation and approval from others constantly, it may indicate that you lack self-confidence and self-esteem, which are key components of a strong sense of self.
6. Difficulty accepting compliments or criticism: If you have trouble accepting compliments or brush them off, or if you take criticism too personally, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be open to feedback and use it to grow and improve.
7. Difficulty being alone: If you find yourself constantly seeking the company of others and feeling uncomfortable being alone, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be comfortable with your own company and not feel the need to constantly seek validation from others.
8. Difficulty coping with change: If you find it hard to adapt to changes in your life, whether they be small or significant, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be resilient and adaptable in the face of change.
9. Difficulty standing up for yourself: If you have trouble standing up for yourself and asserting your needs, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be assertive and advocate for yourself.
10. Difficulty finding purpose and meaning in life: If you feel lost or unfulfilled in life, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to know your values, beliefs and understand your life's purpose.

 If you can relate, here are...

10 Secrete keys to Building a Strong Sense of Self

Key 1. Know who's really in charge of you

Understanding your "shadow self" can help you develop a strong sense of self by allowing you to acknowledge and integrate aspects of yourself that you may have previously repressed or denied. The "shadow self" refers to the parts of yourself that you may not like or be aware of, but that still exist within you. By exploring and understanding these parts of yourself, you can gain a more complete understanding of who you are as a person and make more conscious choices about how you want to live your life. Additionally, by bringing the shadow self into the light, it will no longer have the power to unconsciously influence your behavior.

Here are some steps you can take to use your shadow self to develop a strong sense of self:

1. Become aware of your shadow self: This can be done through introspection and self-reflection. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that you may have been repressing or denying. These may include negative emotions such as anger, fear, or shame, or aspects of yourself that you find difficult to accept.
2. Explore and understand your shadow self: Once you have identified aspects of your shadow self, try to understand why they exist and where they come from. This may involve looking at your past experiences, particularly those that may have been traumatic or difficult to process. Understanding the origins of your shadow self can help you make peace with it and integrate it into your sense of self.
3. Acknowledge and accept your shadow self: Accepting the parts of yourself that you previously denied or rejected is key to integrating your shadow self into your sense of self. This means learning to accept and even embrace your negative emotions and traits, rather than pushing them away.
4. Incorporate your shadow self into your daily life: Once you have acknowledged and accepted your shadow self, try to find ways to integrate it into your daily life. For example, if you struggle with feelings of anger, you might find ways to express that anger in healthy ways, such as through journaling or talking to a therapist. This will help you to understand and manage your emotions, rather than being controlled by them.
5. Constantly seeking validation and approval from others: If you find yourself seeking validation and approval from others constantly, it may indicate that you lack self-confidence and self-esteem, which are key components of a strong sense of self.
6. Difficulty accepting compliments or criticism: If you have trouble accepting compliments or brush them off, or if you take criticism too personally, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be open to feedback and use it to grow and improve.
7. Difficulty being alone: If you find yourself constantly seeking the company of others and feeling uncomfortable being alone, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be comfortable with your own company and not feel the need to constantly seek validation from others.
8. Difficulty coping with change: If you find it hard to adapt to changes in your life, whether they be small or significant, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be resilient and adaptable in the face of change.
9. Difficulty standing up for yourself: If you have trouble standing up for yourself and asserting your needs, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to be assertive and advocate for yourself.
10. Difficulty finding purpose and meaning in life: If you feel lost or unfulfilled in life, it may be a sign that you lack a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self allows you to know your values, beliefs and understand your life's purpose.

Key 2. Self Expression: The Missing Link

Self-expression can be a powerful tool for developing a strong sense of self.

It allows you to communicate who you are and what you stand for, it allows you to externalize your thoughts, feelings and ideas, which can help you understand them better.

Self-expression helps you identify your values, goals and aspirations, and align your actions with them, which can give you a sense of direction and purpose.

And as a result can improve relationships. As you become more open and honest with others, and they in turn become more accepting and understanding of you.

There are many ways to practice self-expression and different activities may resonate with different people, but here are a few practical examples of how you can practice self-expression:

1. Writing: You can practice self-expression through writing, whether it be journaling, writing poetry, short stories, or even song lyrics. Writing can be a powerful tool for processing thoughts, emotions and experiences, and to communicate them.
2. Artistic expression: You can practice self-expression through visual arts, music, dance, or theater. Creating something that expresses your emotions and thoughts can be a powerful way to communicate and understand yourself.
3. Verbal expression: You can practice self-expression through verbal means, like having conversations, debates or public speaking. Communicating your thoughts, opinions, and ideas in a clear and confident way can be a powerful form of self-expression.
4. Social Activism: You can practice self-expression by taking a stand on issues that matter to you and being an advocate for them.
5. Fashion and self-presentation: You can practice self-expression by how you present yourself, through fashion and personal style, it can communicate a lot about who you are and your personality.
6. Personal Projects: You can express yourself through personal projects, like cooking, gardening, or DIY projects, it can give you a sense of accomplishment and can be used as an outlet for creative expression.
7. Online expression: The internet offers a lot of opportunities for self-expression, you can use social media, blogs, podcasts, and more to share your thoughts, feelings, and ideas with a wider audience.

Key 3. Why intuition trumps reasoning

Self-trust is often a struggle for many people. Many of us go through life never feeling completely confident in who we are or how we are perceived by others. It can be easy to second-guess yourself and doubt yourself when you feel that others have criticized you or judged you. As such, building self-trust can be difficult. However, it can be helpful to learn how to develop a strong sense of self.

Here are some steps for building self-trust:

1. Get comfortable with uncertainty: Learn to accept the unknown and the unplanned. The unexpected can often lead to positive outcomes, so embrace the fact that change is part of life.
2. Set aside time to reflect: One of the main benefits of personal development is that it provides you with a chance to learn and grow from the experiences of your life. Reflecting on what you have learned can help you to strengthen your sense of self.
3. Make small changes every day: Changing your behavior takes time and requires daily effort. Small changes over time can add up to meaningful change.
4. Focus on what you want to achieve: Achieving small goals can help you to feel like you are making progress and setting goals.
5. Identify your strengths and weaknesses: When trying to build your confidence and sense of self, it can be useful to identify your strengths and weaknesses. This can help you to become aware of your personal qualities and begin to build your self-confidence.
6. Identify your beliefs: Beliefs are the things that you accept as true. Some people believe they are weak, unintelligent, or unsuccessful, but that's just the way that they see themselves. By identifying your beliefs, you can begin to change the way you think about yourself.
7. Ask yourself if you're living your life as you'd like to: Do you act in ways that support your beliefs? What actions do you take when something goes wrong? How do you respond to failures? These questions can help you to examine your actions and beliefs and determine whether or not you're living your life in a way that supports your sense of self.
8. Learn to forgive yourself: It's important to learn to forgive yourself for things that you've done in the past. This can help to build a stronger sense of self and help you to move forward with your life.
9. Forgive others: It's also important to forgive others, even when they have hurt you. This can help to build a strong sense of self and allow you to move forward with your life.
10. Learn to set realistic expectations: When it comes to personal relationships, your expectations can play a large role in determining whether or not you have a positive or negative experience. If you set unrealistic expectations, you may end up feeling disappointed or hurt when things don't turn out the way you expected. Instead, try to set reasonable expectations for your relationships and yourself. 

Key 4. Become your own true best friend

Self-Compassion and Self-Care are two words that many people often use interchangeably, but they are actually quite different. Self-compassion is a skill that you develop through practicing self-care. It can help you to feel more compassion for yourself and others. Self-care can help you to feel more connected to yourself and others. Both are important for cultivating a healthy and happy life.

1. Develop your self-compassion skills: You can develop self-compassion by practicing self-kindness and common humanity. Self-kindness means treating yourself and others with kindness, even when you feel upset, frustrated, or hurt. Common humanity means accepting yourself and others for who they are, even when you may dislike or even hate them. These practices can help you to develop a sense of compassion for yourself and others.
2. Practice mindfulness: Start by becoming more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations in the present moment. This will help you identify and understand your self-talk and how it affects your sense of self.
3. Recognize common humanity: Remind yourself that everyone struggles and experiences difficult emotions. This will help you feel less alone and more connected to others.
4. Be kind and understanding: Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and compassion that you would offer to a good friend. This will help you develop a more positive relationship with yourself.
5. Use "self-compassionate" self-talk: Instead of criticizing or judging yourself, try to speak to yourself in a kind and understanding way. This will help you build a more positive self-image.
6. Take a balanced approach: Try to find a balance between self-compassion and self-improvement. This will help you maintain a healthy sense of self-esteem while also working towards personal growth.
7. Practice self-care: Developing self-compassion requires you to practice self-care. Self-care includes taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. For example, taking time to meditate, exercise, sleep, and eat well can help you to improve your mood, relax, and feel more connected to yourself and others.
8. Set self-care goals for yourself. These can be short-term or long-term, but make sure they align with your values and are achievable.
9. Prioritize self-care activities that are most beneficial for you. These can include physical activities such as exercise, meditation, and yoga, as well as mental and emotional practices like journaling and dissociation therapy.
10. Reflect on your progress and adjust your self-care plan as needed. As you continue to practice self-care and develop a stronger sense of self, you may find that your needs and priorities change. Be open to making adjustments to your self-care plan to ensure it continues to meet your needs.
11. Make self-care a regular part of your routine. This can be done by scheduling self-care activities into your daily or weekly schedule, or by setting reminders to take care of yourself throughout the day.
12. Take breaks and be mindful of your self-care needs, avoid burnout by allowing yourself to rest and recharge. 

Key 5. loving relationships with a tantrum brain

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and respond to one's emotions in a healthy and adaptive way. It can help in developing a strong sense of self by allowing an individual to better understand and accept their emotions, rather than being controlled by them. This can lead to greater self-awareness and self-esteem, and can also improve relationships and decision-making. Additionally, being able to regulate emotions can also reduce stress and anxiety, which can negatively impact one's sense of self.

Simple steps to master emotional regulation

• Identify your emotions: The first step in emotional regulation is to become aware of your emotions. Take some time to reflect on how you are feeling, and try to put a name to the emotion.
• Accept your emotions: Once you have identified your emotions, it is important to accept that they are a normal and natural part of the human experience. Try to avoid judging yourself for feeling a certain way.
• Understand the function of your emotions: Emotions serve a purpose, and understanding that purpose can help you regulate them. For example, anger can serve as a signal that something is unjust or unfair, while fear can signal that something is dangerous.
• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and non-judgmentally observing your thoughts and emotions. This can help you become more aware of your emotions and the triggers that cause them.
• Reframe negative thoughts: Negative thoughts can fuel negative emotions. Try to identify and challenge any negative thoughts that are fueling your emotions, and reframe them in a more positive light.
• Use coping strategies: There are many different coping strategies that can help you regulate your emotions. These include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and visualization. Experiment with different strategies to find what works best for you. 

Key 6. Transitioning into the new: Unlocking your potential

Embracing change is a key aspect of developing a strong sense of self. Your sense of self is constantly evolving, so it's important to be open to new experiences, perspectives, and growth. Embracing change means accepting that we will experience a variety of emotions and thoughts during our lives. We don't always have the control over these thoughts and emotions, but we do have control over how we respond to them. This can help us to accept ourselves in all of our imperfections.

Practical steps for embracing change without pain...

1. Start by identifying areas in your life where you may be resistant to change. This could be in your personal or professional life, or both.
2. Reflect on the reasons why you are resistant to change in these areas. Are there underlying fears or limiting beliefs holding you back?
3. Begin to challenge these fears and beliefs by questioning their validity and considering alternative perspectives.
4. Start small and practice embracing change in small ways. This could be something as simple as trying a new restaurant or taking a different route to work.
5. As you become more comfortable with small changes, gradually increase the level of difficulty.
6. Be open to new experiences and opportunities, even if they are outside of your comfort zone.
7. Learn from your experiences and use them to grow and develop a stronger sense of self.
8. Remember that change is a natural part of life and it is important to be flexible and adaptable.
9. Embrace change as a learning opportunity, not something to be feared.
10. Finally, try to maintain a positive attitude and be patient with yourself as you work on developing a stronger sense of self through embracing change. 

Key 7. Team up with juicy people

Surrounding yourself with positive influences can help you develop a strong sense of self by providing you with role models and support for making positive choices, fostering healthy relationships, and promoting personal growth. Being around people who have a positive outlook on life, set good examples, and encourage you to be your best self can help you to develop a more positive self-image and greater self-esteem. Additionally, having supportive and encouraging people in your life can help you to believe in yourself and your abilities, which can lead to greater confidence and self-assurance.

How to do build positive influences around you...

• Identify positive role models: Look for people in your life who embody the qualities and values that you want to develop in yourself. These can be family members, friends, teachers, mentors, or even public figures.
• Spend time with these positive influences: Make an effort to spend time with these people and absorb their positive energy. This can be through spending time together in person, or by following their work or social media accounts.
• Learn from them: Observe how they navigate through life and try to learn from their examples. Pay attention to their habits, attitudes, and decision-making process.
• Emulate their positive traits: Try to incorporate some of the positive traits and habits that you admire in your role models into your own life.
• Seek out constructive feedback: Ask your positive influences for feedback and advice on how you can improve yourself. Be open to constructive criticism and take it as an opportunity to grow.
• Surround yourself with positive people: Seek out and build relationships with people who are supportive, encouraging and positive. Being around people who uplift you can help to boost your own mood and self-esteem. 

Key 8. Uncover rich hidden personality traits

Self-reflection is the process of examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It can help people develop a strong sense of self by allowing them to gain insight into their own beliefs, values, and motivations. This understanding can then inform their actions and decision-making, leading to more authentic and fulfilling experiences. Additionally, self-reflection can also help individuals identify areas where they may want to make changes or improvements, leading to personal growth and development. Overall, self-reflection can be an important tool for self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-improvement.

How to practise self reflection...

• Set aside dedicated time for self-reflection: Schedule regular time in your schedule for self-reflection, whether it's daily, weekly, or monthly.
• Find a quiet and comfortable place: Choose a location where you can be alone and free from distractions.
• Use prompts: Use prompts or questions to guide your reflection, such as "What are my values?" or "What are my strengths and weaknesses?"
• Be honest with yourself: Be honest and open with yourself during your reflection. This can be difficult, but it's important for personal growth.
• Identify patterns and themes: Pay attention to patterns and themes that emerge during your reflection. They can provide insights into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
• Reflect on your emotions: Take note of your emotions during self-reflection. Reflect on how they may have influenced your thoughts and actions.
• Consider different perspectives: Consider different perspectives, including those of people you trust and respect, to gain a more well-rounded understanding of yourself.
• Take action: Use the insights you gain from self-reflection to make positive changes in your life.
• Review and Reflect: Reflect on the changes you've made and the progress you've made over time, and adjust your approach to self-reflection as necessary.
• Repeat: Repeat the process of self-reflection regularly to continue to develop a strong sense of self 

Key 9. Become part of something bigger

Reflecting on one's life purpose can help to create a strong sense of self by providing direction and meaning in life. It can help to clarify one's values and goals, which can in turn inform decision making and actions. This can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in life. Additionally, having a clear sense of purpose can also provide a sense of identity and can make one feel more in control of their life. Overall, reflecting on one's purpose can help to create a sense of self that is grounded, meaningful, and empowering.

How to do this practically...

1. Start by setting aside some quiet time to reflect on your life and your purpose. This could be done through journaling, meditating, or simply sitting in silence and thinking.
2. Begin by asking yourself some introspective questions. Some examples may include: What are my values and beliefs? What is most important to me in life? What are my passions and interests? What do I want to achieve in my life?
3. Take a moment to reflect on your past experiences and accomplishments. Consider what you have learned from these experiences and how they have shaped you into the person you are today.
4. Consider your goals for the future, both short-term and long-term. Think about what you want to achieve in the next year, five years, and ten years.
5. Take time to evaluate your current circumstances, and think about how they align with your values, passions, and goals.
6. Identify any areas of your life that may not align with your purpose or values and think about ways to make changes to bring them in line.
7. Create a plan of action to bring your purpose and goals to life. This could include setting specific, measurable goals, and creating a roadmap to achieve them.
8. Continuously reflect on your purpose and progress, and make adjustments as needed. Remember that your purpose and goals may change over time, and it's important to stay open to new possibilities and opportunities.
9. Incorporate your purpose and values into your daily life, from the way you make decisions to the way you interact with others. This can help to give your life more meaning and fulfillment, and can help you feel more in control of your life.
10. Lastly, be patient and kind to yourself, remember that self-discovery is an ongoing process, and be open to learning from your experiences.

Key 10. Create a new beginning: Rewriting your story

Our sense of self is often shaped by the stories we tell ourselves about our past, present, and future. Our personal narrative defines who we are and how we see ourselves. Reviewing and rewriting your personal narrative can help you develop a stronger sense of self by empowering you to take control of your own story and shape it in a way that aligns with your values and goals.

How to re-write your personal narrative

1. Reflect on your past: Start by reflecting on your past experiences, particularly those that have had a significant impact on your sense of self. Take the time to consider how these experiences have shaped your beliefs and perceptions about yourself and the world around you.
2. Identify negative patterns or beliefs: Take a look at the patterns and beliefs that have been holding you back and that are not serving you. These can include negative thoughts, self-talk, or limiting beliefs about yourself, such as thinking you're not good enough, capable, or deserving.
3. Create a new narrative: Once you have identified the negative patterns and beliefs, begin to create a new narrative for yourself. This can include new thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives that align with your values and goals. Make sure that your new narrative is realistic, but also optimistic and empowering.
4. Practice regularly: Rewriting your personal narrative is an ongoing process, it requires time and effort to internalize and make it a part of your mind-set, so practice regularly. Remind yourself of your new narrative, and take notice of the small changes that occur as you incorporate it into your daily life.

No more dissociation! Nurturing the garden of the self

 Great! isn't it?

Because, just as a plant needs the right combination of soil, water, and sunlight to grow and thrive, our minds and souls need a strong sense of self to flourish. By developing self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-compassion, we can provide ourselves with the necessary nourishment to overcome the difficulties of dissociation, and to live a fulfilling and meaningful life.

‍