Toxic men are a big problem in the world.
An awful lot of men are toxic to their wives or partners. They're abusive, neglectful, or simply inconsiderate.
If you are married to such a man, how do you deal with him?
Should you just pound salt & hot pepper into a paper bag and throw it in his face as hard as you can when he is being toxic!
(Please NOTE... I know how tempting that sounds 😉... But I am not suggesting that you do it)
But seriously, toxic men are like scary movies that keep you up at night. The scariest part is when he turns off the lights and crawls into bed next to you.
Sometimes... He is nice and treats you like a princess. But other times... He becomes a vile ugly bear. How do you cope when you know that the slightest thing you do can rain down terror from this man.
If you're in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive or has other destructive personality traits... This is the most important article you will ever read.
This article will help you understand exactly what you must do to break free from under his destructive influence especially when you have to very good reasons to remain in the marriage.
Ready? Let's dig in...
Isolating yourself will only increase your pain and suffering.
It is true that if you're in a toxic relationship, you'll sometimes need to be isolated so you can get your bearings as you attempt to rebuild your life.
However, beware that abuser's love to capitalize on isolating you. True healing can be experienced by connecting with people who are on a similar journey toward wholeness. And many abusers will not want this for you.
Hence, if you have to stay in a toxic situation, you need to surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who will provide you with encouragement and support. This will help act as a buffer to get you through bad times.
Reach out to others for support and understanding. Regularly Tell someone else about your situation and get them to back you up if necessary.
Learning to accept responsibility for your own happiness is a powerful antidote to unhappiness.
Believing that whoever you are with is “supposed” to love enough to be willing to change and make you happy is a terrible trap. When it comes to relationships, it is absolutely vital that each person involved take responsibility for his or her own feelings. It doesn't matter how much your partner "loves" you; if he doesn't “love” you enough to change, you will be miserable. And this will have an equally negative effect on your children.
Being responsible for your own happiness will give you the power to create a positive change in your life because it frees you up to do what you need to do to improve your situation instead of obsessing about what your partner or spouse is or isn't doing.
Adversity is inevitable in life, but how you respond to it determines your level of success in life.
If you let his words and actions upset you, then you will become drained and eventually give up.
Remember that your toxic husband probably never had a healthy respect for you or your opinion. You are simply a convenient target to vent his anger on. And while you are momentarily distracted he will be plotting his next move to destroy your life. Your job is to stay clear and focused on your own plans and goals...
And if you can transform his negative words and actions into positive ones that energize and motivate you, then you will be able to overcome the obstacles that he placed in your path.
By letting his words and actions inspire you, you will be able to move past them and achieve your goals and dreams.
His actions will still be there when you are finished, but his words will have been replaced by your empowering words of wisdom.
Paying attention to what time of day he is most likely to become abusive will help you to know when his rage waves are at their height and you will be better prepared to avoid being with him at those times.
This will minimize the abuse that you will have to endure and give you a chance to get yourself together.
And if you do become victim to his abuse knowing what his pattern is will give you a chance to be less shocked so you can deal with the abuse more effectively.
The truth is that if you don't pay attention to your husband's abusive patterns, your husband may think that he can do what he wants whenever he wants and that this gives him power over you.
to prevent this every time he gets abusive, write down things like... What triggered the abuse? What Day of the week was the abuse? What time of the day was the abuse? Was he under the influence of drugs and alcohol?
Fighting back with more anger just gives your husband more of an excuse to abuse you.
Fighting back with more reason gives you more of a chance to lead any arguments with him in a more productive direction. And if you do happen to get angry, fighting back with more reason will enable you to express that anger in a way that is constructive rather than destructive.
This is so important because toxic people have a knack for convincing you and others that you are the bad one. The more you can prevent yourself from acting in anger, the more you can prevent this.
The best way I have seen this done is by using something called Calibrated Questions. I use calibrated questions all the time, with great success, when dealing with clients who have anger problems. I tell you exactly to apply calibrated questions in toxic family situations in my free webinar replay which you can sign up to watch here now.
Controlling toxic people is like trying to herd cats.
Attempts at controlling people usually suggest that there is a power struggle which results in one person feeling even more hurt and rejected.
But when you try to control someone who is emotionally and mentally abusive towards you, it only empowers him. If you try to control your partner when he is being toxic... You Will LOSE! Your energy and efforts will be counter-productive, and you’ll just end up exhausted, resentful, and bitter.
A toxic person cannot be cured. But, they can be managed. Managing your mate is actually one of the best things you can do for yourself because it takes the pressure off and gives you a chance to grow. It forces you to face up to and deal with your fears instead of avoiding them.
Managing your mate is far better than obsessing about curing him.
And one of the most successful tools I have seen for managing toxic people is tactical empathy
Most marriages start out with both parties being respectful and loving. However, the way you manage disagreements and arrangements can easily turn a loving family into a toxic madhouse.
Tactical empathy helps you get your points across in a way that you are fully understood without nasty repercussions.
Without the use of tactical empathy,
You will be at each other's throats constantly. This will erode the quality of your relationship and create an atmosphere of constant tension and anger. Constant tension and anger causes disease. It robs you of your energy, making it difficult for you to do anything of significance in your life. And it affects your child's development. Constant tension and anger causes high blood pressure, ulcers, strokes, heart attacks, depression, insomnia and much more.
tactical empathy is a bit of a complex subject to explain that is why I have explained it fully, step by step in this free webinar.
Dealing with a toxic partner can drain your emotional and physical energy so you don’t have any energy left over for, children, friends and your career.
And when your world is turned upside down by someone who seems heartless, it's hard not to lash out. To take it out on the one person who seems to have control over everything that's happening to you.
But reacting only makes things worse. If he just hurt your feelings, maybe you could laugh it off and move on. But when he destroys your home, your business, your financial situation, it changes everything.
So Instead of being reactant, use this knowledge I have shared with you today to take control of your life. Don’t allow him to control your emotions, your actions, or your decisions.
Don't let him take control of your life.
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Doubting your ability to succeed... And keeps stress blocking your ability to perform at a high level.
Your nerves are always on edge, your emotions are always easily triggered and this regularly causes you to question everything about yourself and your life...
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