The Secret To Umbreakable Mental Resilience Around A Toxic Boss

How can you ease your stress when even seeing the boss who caused your breakdown feels too hard?

You’re trying your best to cope, but is pushing yourself to keep going costing you sleep? Are you making more mistakes because you’re short on sleep, giving your boss more to pick apart?

Try changing how you respond to your boss’s demands and how much you expect of yourself. Start with ways to ease your stress, even when you think you should push harder. Less stress may help you sleep better. With more rest, you could make fewer mistakes at work.

Watch the video below, “Emotional Regulation vs Pushing Through With an Abusive Manager,” for ways to ease your stress without pushing yourself so hard.

When you return from stress leave, would you be willing to meet your boss’s demands without seeing every sign of stress as proof that you’ll need more time off? Would you be willing to try, even if doing so makes you feel less safe?

If you’re afraid of breaking down again, that fear can make your boss’s demands more stressful. You may keep checking yourself for signs of stress, hoping to feel reassured. But checking can leave you feeling more stressed instead.

Feeling stressed by your boss does not mean you’re about to break down or that you’ll need more leave. As you become less afraid that stress means another breakdown, you may find your boss’s demands easier to face.

To hear more about facing your boss’s demands when you’re afraid of needing stress leave again, watch the video below.

You dread going to work because your boss treats you badly. Calming down after a tense chat can help, but you need more if you still dread seeing your boss the next day.

Start by asking yourself: “Does feeling stressed mean I can’t cope?”

After each clash with your boss, you may take your stress as proof that you can’t cope. But stress alone does not prove that. Questioning the belief that stress means you can’t cope may help you face work with less dread, even if your boss does not change.

Watch the video below, “Why Emotional Regulation Really Works Against a Toxic Boss,” for more on this.

When a past job leaves you dreading your next boss, why does it help to calm your body before facing that fear?

Facing your fear could help you grow. But if you already feel overwhelmed, a bad day with your next boss could seem like proof that you can’t cope.

Start by helping your body feel more at ease. Then notice how you react to stress and what helps you cope. A tough day does not mean you can’t cope with your boss.

Watch the video below to learn about an emotional regulation model that can help you cope with a controlling boss.

If you’d tried to calm down but still felt tense after someone spoke harshly to you, would you go over what they said again?

You might revisit their words in the hope of feeling calmer. But could doing so leave you expecting more harsh words whenever that person speaks?

As you reflect on what that person said, try shifting between three emotional states: feeling threatened, feeling driven to act and feeling safe. The aim is to help you feel calmer and build resilience. With practice, you may feel steadier when harsh words catch you off guard. You may also spend less time expecting that person to speak harshly again.

If you'd like to explore what's missing from emotional regulation around your boss, watch the video below.

Should you recall a time when your boss upset you as a way to prepare for their next sudden demand?

If your body is still tense when you recall that moment, the stress and anger may return. You may feel on edge rather than ready to handle another demand.

First, take slow breaths to help your body relax. Once you feel more at ease, think back to that moment and practise staying calm as you recall what happened. The goal is to feel less overwhelmed the next time your boss makes a sudden demand.

Do thoughts of your boss still leave you angry and tense? Watch the video below for a demo of the first step to staying calm when your boss is hostile.

When work feels too hard, trying to calm yourself can bring back painful memories of how your toxic boss treated you.

You want to feel calm enough to work. But you may worry that revisiting those memories will make it harder to speak up to your boss.

Try shifting your attention from a painful thought about your boss to a memory that helps you feel safe. You don’t have to keep focusing on how your boss hurt you. Focusing on a safe memory may help you feel calmer and think more clearly, so you can get work done and stand up to your boss.

Does fear of your boss keep you from getting work done? For a guided exercise you can try, watch the video below, “Guided Emotional Regulation for Bullying Boss Stress Relief.”