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How to overcome inner critic sabotage and intense self loathing

Understanding the Anatomy of Inner Critic Sabotage

Where Does it Come From?

Your inner critic is born out of your negative self-talk.

This kind of talk usually starts when you were young and vulnerable, like during childhood years. Your caregivers may have been critical towards you for mistakes or imperfections.

You might remember phrases like "good job" only being used to make you work harder, not because they truly meant it; or criticism for things that others didn't say were wrong with what you did.

This kind of negative self-talk can then be reinforced by the way society talks about failure. Like how some people use shame and guilt when discussing mistakes.

You might have seen a famous person fail or make a mistake, only to hear others calling them useless because of it.

So your inner critic learned from those around you that making mistakes means being bad at something. This makes you very critical towards yourself and can lead to self-doubt.

How It Affects Our Thinking

When it comes to inner critic sabotage, there's a lot going on beneath the surface that can affect our thinking.

You see, your brain is like a complex computer system.

And just as computers have programming and software glitches, so do brains. For instance, you might be working really hard to prove yourself to others or even just to feel good enough about yourself.

But deep down inside, you're worried that something's going wrong because your brain is running on an old operating system – one that was installed a long time ago when things were tough.

Or maybe there are some parts of your personality that are at odds with each other, like the part that wants to be creative and another part that wants to play it safe. This inner struggle can cause friction and make it hard for you to focus.

Another thing is what gets stored in memory – both short-term and long-term.

Think of your brain as a filing cabinet where memories are filed away like documents.

Sometimes, though, these files get lost or mislabeled because our brains don't have enough space to store all the things we need to remember.

This is when old patterns start playing themselves out in behavior. For instance, if you had a difficult childhood with an overcritical parent figure, their words might be replayed inside your head – making it hard for you to feel good about yourself.

The other thing that's going on is the way our brains process information and translate it into thoughts.

This is where things can get really tricky because our brains are wired with old ways of thinking. Old programming – like the idea that you're not good enough, for instance.

So when new experiences come along, your brain might just file them away as well, making it hard to change those deep-seated patterns and thought habits.

Common Patterns and Triggers

You might find that your inner critic voice pops up more often when you're feeling stressed, anxious, or uncertain about something.

Like right before a big presentation at work or an exam at school. It starts by replaying all your past mistakes in your mind and saying "see, you can't do it".

Then goes on to tell you why nobody really cares what you have to say or how good your idea is. But here's the thing: when this inner voice has its way with us, we start believing that our thoughts are just facts.

And before long, these negative self-talks become automatic patterns of thinking. It becomes like second nature to you to think in worst-case scenarios or assume others will react negatively towards your opinions.

So what can we do about this inner critic? The truth is that the only way to change these thoughts and feelings is by being more aware of them. This means catching yourself when these negative self-talks start creeping up.

When you catch yourself thinking in a certain way, challenge those thoughts.

Ask your brain if they're really true or just another excuse for not trying something new.

By doing this regularly, over time, you can rewire your mind to respond differently to stress and uncertainty.

Identifying Triggers and Patterns

Recognizing Patterns in Negative Self-Talk

You know you have negative self-talk when it becomes a pattern in your life, especially after difficult experiences or stressful situations. Negative thoughts often start with "what if" worries about the future or past regrets.

They make you feel bad about yourself and others. Look out for these signs:.

You replay conversations over and over, focusing on what went wrong:. When something doesn't go as planned, you might catch yourself replaying it in your mind, thinking about everything that could have been done differently.

This is a sign that negative self-talk has crept in. Your thoughts are full of "should haves" and regrets: You constantly think about what should have happened or how things would be different if you had acted otherwise.

These regrets can consume your mind, making it hard to move forward. You put too much emphasis on others' opinions: You spend a lot of time thinking about how others might judge you and trying to control their reactions.

This is a sign that negative self-talk has become a pattern in your life.

Remember, recognizing these patterns is the first step towards breaking them.

How Brain Structure and Chemistry Impact Low Self-Esteem

When you feel self-doubt, it's like there is a constant voice in your head telling you that you're not good enough.

This inner critic can be very damaging to our well-being and mental health.

Research shows that brain structure and chemistry play a significant role in low self-esteem.

For instance, studies have found that people with depression or anxiety tend to have smaller hippocampi than those without these conditions. This is because the hippocampus plays a crucial role in regulating emotions and memories.

When it's not functioning properly, we can experience feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Additionally, studies have shown that people with low self-esteem tend to have lower levels of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine.

But here's the thing: brain structure and chemistry are malleable. This means that they can change based on our thoughts, behaviors, and environment.

For instance, studies have shown that mindfulness practices can actually increase grey matter in areas of the brain associated with emotional regulation. This is why it's so important to focus on self-care and stress reduction techniques when working to overcome low self-esteem.

Neuroscience of Negative Thought Patterns Formation

When you experience stress or anxiety, a part of your brain called the amygdala goes into overdrive.

This makes it hard for other parts of your brain to function properly.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for logical thinking and decision-making, becomes less active under threat.

The emotional centers in your brain take over. This negative thought pattern is reinforced by the way your brain processes information.

When you have a negative experience or perceive something as threatening, that memory gets linked to similar situations.

The next time you're faced with a similar situation, those memories come flooding back, reinforcing the idea that things will go wrong and making it hard for positive thoughts to enter.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism's Grip

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Perfectionism is like a weight on your mind, holding you back from living the life you want. It's an unrealistic expectation that can never be met.

The problem with perfectionism is that it makes every mistake feel catastrophic and impossible to recover from.

You make a small error at work, but because of your high expectations, it feels like the entire project has been ruined.

You struggle through a difficult task only to have someone else do better than you, leaving you feeling incompetent.

Your mind starts racing with thoughts like "What did I just say?" or "Why can't I get anything right?". The thing is that perfectionism doesn't give space for growth and learning.

It's always focusing on the destination rather than the journey. When you're trying to perfect everything, there's no room for mistakes.

And when something goes wrong, it feels like a failure instead of an opportunity to learn. You become so focused on being right that you neglect your own well-being and happiness in the process.

So what does this have to do with breaking free from perfectionism? It's simple: embracing imperfection. Remember, nothing is ever perfect, not even things we think are flawless.

It takes time and practice but by letting go of unrealistic expectations you can learn to accept that mistakes happen and move forward despite them.

Breaking the Cycle of Self-Criticism's Grip

Perfectionism often starts as a drive for excellence, but it can quickly escalate into an unrealistic expectation that fuels self-criticism and fear.

This relentless pursuit of flawlessness creates a vicious cycle where any mistake becomes catastrophic failure, causing feelings of inadequacy and shame. For instance, when you make a minor error at work or school, your inner critic can't help but magnify it into an epic disaster.

This self-berating voice echoes in the silence of your mind: "You're so incompetent! You should've done better!". To break this cycle of self-criticism's grip, acknowledge that perfection is unattainable and forgive yourself for not being flawless.

Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend. Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, reframe them as valuable learning experiences.

Embrace imperfection – after all, it's what makes life rich and authentic. By letting go of perfectionism's grip, you'll discover a sense of liberation that allows you to grow, learn from failures, and thrive in the midst of uncertainty.

The Art of Reframing Negative Self-Talk

Silence Your Inner Critic with Self-Reflection Exercises

When negative self-talk takes over, silencing that inner critic can be a daunting task. However, by reframing your thoughts and practicing self-reflection exercises, you can gain control.

The first step is to acknowledge the criticisms.

Recognize when those pesky doubts are creeping in.

For instance, notice how often these negative comments arise from past experiences or societal expectations.

By recognizing their root causes, you'll begin to detach from them and develop a more compassionate view of yourself.

Another key strategy is to focus on what's going right rather than dwelling on what's wrong. Instead of replaying all your mistakes in your mind, reflect on times when you've handled challenges with aplomb.

Celebrate those successes, no matter how small they may seem. By doing so, you'll shift the focus from negative self-talk to empowering affirmations.

By acknowledging and reframing negative thoughts, as well as practicing self-reflection exercises that highlight your strengths, you can gradually silence that inner critic.

Remember, it's a process; be patient with yourself as you rewire your thought patterns. Over time, those doubts will lose their grip on you, replaced by a more compassionate and understanding narrative about yourself.

Turn Negative Thoughts into Positive Affirmations

Reframing negative self-talk is a crucial skill to master because our thoughts can either make us or break us. It's like the difference between building a strong foundation for your life or setting yourself up for failure.

You see, when we say something negative about ourselves, it becomes like an anchor that weighs us down and makes it harder to move forward.

For instance, if you constantly tell yourself "I'm so stupid," those words become the reality in your mind. This self-doubt can make you procrastinate or give up on your goals because deep inside, you truly believe that success is not meant for people like you.

On the other hand, if we reframe these negative thoughts into positive affirmations, it becomes like a rocket fueling our confidence and motivation. For instance, saying "I'm capable of learning and growing from my mistakes" helps to shift your focus on self-improvement rather than self-blame.

It's not what others think that matters; it's what we believe about ourselves. So, reframe those negative thoughts by focusing on your strengths and positive qualities.

When you catch yourself thinking "I'm so lazy," replace those words with "I'm taking a break to recharge." This helps to shift the focus from self-blame to self-care.

The art of reframing negative thoughts into positive affirmations is about recognizing that our inner dialogue shapes our reality. It's time to take control and mold your mind into a powerful ally, rather than an enemy.

Practice Confident Language for a Boost of Confidence

Transforming negative self-talk is crucial for boosting confidence. One effective way to practice confident language is to replace 'I can't' with 'How do I?'.

For instance, when you catch yourself thinking 'I'll never be able to learn this,' pause and rephrase it as, "How do I even start learning this?' By reframing your thoughts in a more positive light, you shift the focus from failure to possibility.

This subtle yet powerful adjustment can significantly alter the way you approach challenges. Another strategy is to use 'I am' statements that empower and motivate you.

For example, instead of saying  "I'm so stupid for forgetting that," say  "I am capable of remembering important details." Notice how this shift in language promotes a more positive self-image?.

By adopting the practice of reframing negative thoughts into confident ones, you'll develop a mental framework that propels you towards success. Remember to be patient and persistent, as old habits can take time to overcome.

With consistent effort, though, this newfound confidence will become second nature, empowering you to tackle challenges with unwavering optimism.

Challenging the Narrator in Your Head

Question Your Inner Voice

The constant chatter in your mind can be overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on what truly matters.

But what if you learned to question this inner voice?. You might find yourself caught up in negative self-talk or overthinking every little thing.

It's as if the narrator in your head is dictating your life story. This constant chatter can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and even depression.

For instance, when faced with a problem at work or school, do you find yourself catastrophizing every possible outcome? Do you repeatedly replay conversations in your head, analyzing what went wrong?. However, there is hope.

By questioning this narrator's narrative, you can regain control over your thoughts and emotions. Try reframing negative self-talk into constructive affirmations or challenge irrational thinking patterns by asking yourself questions like "Is that thought really true?" or "Would I say that to a friend?".

here are five examples illustrating how to question your inner voice:

  1. Work Presentation Anxiety: Sarah has a big presentation at work and her inner voice keeps telling her she'll mess up and embarrass herself. Instead of letting this chatter dominate her thoughts, she questions it by asking, "Is it really true that I’ll fail? Haven't I prepared well?" This helps her reframe her anxiety into confidence, allowing her to focus on delivering her presentation effectively.
  2. Social Interaction Replay: After a party, John keeps replaying a conversation in his head where he thinks he might have said something awkward. He questions this by asking, "Would I judge a friend so harshly for a minor slip-up? What if it wasn't as bad as I think?" This stops the negative self-talk and helps him realize that he's likely overthinking the situation.
  3. Academic Performance Worry: Emma is stressed about her recent exam results. Her inner voice tells her she’s going to fail the class. She challenges this by asking, "Have I failed any tests before? Did I prepare as best as I could?" This rational assessment calms her and encourages her to focus on studying better for future exams instead of dwelling on worry.
  4. Fitness Goals Doubt: Tom is trying to lose weight, but his inner voice tells him he's not making progress fast enough and he should just give up. He questions this by asking, "Am I expecting too much too soon? Haven’t I already made some positive changes?" This helps him see his progress and motivates him to continue his efforts.
  5. Career Path Uncertainty: Lisa is contemplating a career change, but her inner voice keeps saying she's too old to switch careers. She challenges this by asking, "Is age really a barrier to success? Do I know of others who have made successful changes later in life?" This shift in perspective helps her gain the confidence to pursue her new career aspirations.

Reframe Self-Talk for Success

Negative self-talk often feels very real and fatual, but it's not necessarily true. When you start to believe those whispers, it can be hard to silence them completely.

The good news is that you're the boss of that inner voice. You've got this!

Think about all the times when someone was telling a story and another person would interrupt with their own spin on things? That's kind of like what your head does - except instead of just disagreeing, it's actively trying to undermine you.

The next time that critical chatter pops up in your mind, try rephrasing those thoughts in a more constructive way. For instance, if the nagging voice tells you "You'll never be good enough," respond with something like "I'm doing my best and learning from each experience." See how that shifts the focus? It's not about beating yourself up over past mistakes but moving forward with confidence.

Another trick is to ask your inner critic a series of questions.

What's behind this thought, really? Is it based on facts or just an opinion someone else imposed on you? Have you ever noticed patterns where this self-doubt creeps in when certain situations arise?.

You're not alone in this struggle - we all face those internal demons from time to time.

The key is recognizing that they don't have to define your reality. Your inner voice might still rumble around, but now it's more like a gentle hum reminding you of where you've come and what strengths you possess.

Remember, reframing negative self-talk isn't about silencing the chatter completely but learning how to channel those whispers into fuel for growth and motivation instead.

Building a Culture of Positive Talk with Yourself

Reframe Your Inner Dialogue for Success

The truth is that the way you speak to yourself has a massive impact on your life.

It can either hold you back or propel you forward.

When you're negative towards yourself, it's like throwing away all the hard work and effort you put into achieving your goals.

On the other hand, when you're positive and uplifting with yourself, it creates a sense of motivation that makes everything easier. The problem is that we often don't realize how much our inner dialogue is holding us back until it's too late.

So what does this have to do with reframeing your inner dialogue for success? It's simple really – by focusing on the positive aspects of yourself and your abilities, you can build confidence that will carry over into other areas of your life.

Here is an example of how to apply this

Scenario: Preparing for a Presentation at Work

Original Negative Inner Dialogue

  1. Initial Thought: "I always mess up presentations. I'm going to embarrass myself again."
  2. Impact: This thought creates anxiety and self-doubt, making it harder to prepare effectively.

Step-by-Step Reframing Process

  1. Recognize the Negative Thought
    • Awareness: Notice when you're having a negative thought about your abilities. In this case, the thought about messing up the presentation.
    • Example: "I'm thinking I always mess up presentations."
  2. Challenge the Negative Thought
    • Question Its Validity: Ask yourself if this thought is entirely true and consider past experiences where you succeeded.
    • Example: "Is it true that I always mess up? I’ve had good presentations before, like the one last month."
  3. Reframe the Thought to Be More Positive
    • Shift Focus: Turn the negative thought into a positive or constructive one.
    • Example: "I’ve prepared well for this presentation, and I’ve succeeded in similar situations before. I can do it again."
  4. Affirm Your Abilities and Strengths
    • Positive Affirmation: Remind yourself of your skills and past successes.
    • Example: "I am knowledgeable about this topic, and I have practiced thoroughly. I am ready to deliver a great presentation."
  5. Practice and Reinforce the Positive Thought
    • Consistent Effort: Regularly practice this reframing technique to make it a habit.
    • Example: Before every practice session, reaffirm your positive inner dialogue: "I am getting better with each practice. I am capable and prepared."

Putting It All Together

  • Before the Presentation: Instead of saying, "I'm going to embarrass myself," say, "I am well-prepared, and I have the skills to succeed."
  • During the Presentation: If you feel nervous, remind yourself, "I am doing well. I know this material, and I can handle this."
  • After the Presentation: Reflect positively, "I did my best, and I can learn from this experience for next time."

Real-Life Application

  • Daily Routine: Integrate positive self-talk into your daily routine. For instance, start your day with affirmations like, "I am capable of handling whatever comes my way today."
  • Journaling: Keep a journal where you write down positive reflections on your day and note any negative thoughts you successfully reframed.
  • Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness to stay aware of your thoughts and catch negativity before it affects you.

Cultivate Positive Self-Talk with Consistency

When you want to build a culture of positive talk with yourself, consistency is key.

Focus on your inner dialogue and what you tell yourself matters most.

For instance, instead of dwelling on negative thoughts or self-doubt, reframe them into something more empowering.

Turn "I'll never be able to do this" into "I can learn from my mistakes and get better with time." Practice replacing criticism with constructive feedback. Another essential aspect is being aware of your thought patterns.

Pay attention when you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself or a situation, challenge that thought by asking if it's really true. Is it based on fact or fear? Replace those thoughts with more balanced and realistic perspectives.

By focusing on the power of your inner dialogue and being mindful of your thought patterns, you can cultivate positive self-talk consistently.

Over time, as these new habits take root, you'll begin to see a shift in how you approach challenges and respond to setbacks, ultimately building confidence and resilience through the language game with yourself.

Speak Kindly to Yourself and Watch Results Bloom

When you speak kindly to yourself, something incredible happens within.

When words of encouragement flood your mind, it can be incredibly empowering. You start to believe in yourself more, and this self-confidence spills over into other areas of your life.

You find that you're taking risks, trying new things, and stepping outside of your comfort zone. On the other hand, negative self-talk poisons the mind.

It can manifest as feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, or depression. If left unchecked, it can even lead to physical health problems.

When you catch yourself speaking harshly towards yourself in a thought bubble and correct that thought with compassion. Remember that your inner dialogue is like having an ongoing conversation with an old friend.

Would you talk kindly to this person? Of course! Treat yourself the same way.

By choosing to speak kindness into your life, you'll be surprised at how much more positive and uplifting it becomes.

The words "I love you," spoken sincerely to oneself can bring a sense of calm and peace. When we choose kind thoughts over harsh ones, our perception shifts.

We become gentler with ourselves; we start believing in our abilities again.

We learn to listen compassionately to the whispers within us instead of being so hard on ourselves all the time. And you know what? This newfound kindness towards yourself becomes contagious – it spreads to those around you as well!.

Reprogramming the Brain to Focus on Strengths Rather than Weaknesses

Focus on Strengths Not Weaknesses

The way your brain focuses on weaknesses is not normal, it's actually a habit that can be reprogrammed.

You've probably heard the phrase "your mind is what you focus on" before.

This means that what you put your attention towards ends up becoming a reality in some way or another.

So, if your brain constantly focuses on weaknesses, it will create more of those things in your life.

Here's why:. You notice yourself replaying negative thoughts:.

When you focus on weakness, you start to see everything as an opportunity for something bad to happen.

You might find yourself thinking about all the ways that things could go wrong.

This kind of thinking can make it hard for you to relax and feel confident. And when others give you criticism:.

When someone points out a weakness in your work or behavior, do you tend to focus on what they said was wrong? Or do you try to find the good parts?. If you usually dwell on the negative parts, it's time for a change.

You think about your past failures:. What does it mean when we keep thinking about our past mistakes or failures?.

Is it not normal that people make mistakes? Shouldn't we be learning from those experiences?. The truth is, dwelling on weakness won't help you grow.

It's time to start focusing on the good parts of yourself and your life. So how can you reprogram your brain to focus on strengths?.

Try this:. You take a few moments each day to write down three things that went well.

This will help shift your attention towards what works for you, not what doesn't.

Reprogram Your Brain's Negative Patterns

So yes, we can all have negative patterns in our brain, but we can reprogram them by focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses.

The key to this is understanding how the brain works.

When a thought or experience enters your mind, it creates connections between neurons in your brain. Each time that thought repeats itself, those connections grow stronger and more efficient.

For example, if you constantly think negative thoughts about yourself, such as "I'm not good enough," the pathways for these thoughts become established in your brain. It becomes easier to believe them.

On the other hand, when you focus on strengths like kindness or intelligence, new connections are made. To reprogram your brain's negative patterns, you need to create a habit of focusing on what is good about yourself and others.

This can be done by writing down things that go well for you. Keep an "Attitudes of Gratitude Journal" where every night before bed, you write 3-5 things that happened during the day that you're thankful for.

These habits will start to shift your brain's patterns towards focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses.

Practice Self-Complimenting for a Boost of Confidence

So, as you can see, reprogramming your brain to highlight strengths is a powerful way to boost confidence.

For instance, take time each day or week to reflect on what you've done well. Write down positive affirmations about yourself, such as "I'm a hard worker" or "I'm capable of overcoming challenges." These small acknowledgments can have a profound impact on shifting your focus towards your strengths.

Another crucial aspect is surrounding yourself with positivity and encouragement.

This could be through journaling, having supportive friends, or engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. By being around uplifting people and experiences, you'll start to recognize patterns of self-doubt less frequently.

By consistently practicing self-complimentation and surrounding yourself with positivity, you can rewire your brain to focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. This simple yet powerful approach will help quiet the critical inner voice, allowing you to confidently tap into your abilities and potential.

Finding Forgiveness and Acceptance of Your Imperfect Human Form

Accepting Imperfection for a Healthier Self-Image

So you've come to realize that your imperfections are a part of who you are, and it's time to let go of the need for perfection.

It's not easy, though. Your mind is wired with societal expectations and personal ideals that make it difficult to accept yourself as you are.

The main issue here is self-perfectionism - the constant desire to be better than your current version. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and stress whenever you fall short of these unrealistic standards.

For instance, when someone points out a flaw in your argument or behavior, it's easy to become defensive because you feel like they're attacking the "perfect" person you're trying to be.

You might also find yourself comparing yourself unfavorably with others who seem more successful or accomplished.

But here's the thing: embracing imperfection is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength and maturity. By accepting your flaws, you open yourself up to growth and self-improvement, rather than constantly striving for an unattainable ideal.

You can start practicing acceptance by acknowledging your flaws aloud - yes, out loud! For instance, say "I'm not perfect" or "I made a mistake." This helps rewire your brain to focus on progress over perfection.

Additionally, when someone criticizes you, try responding with humility and curiosity instead of defensiveness: ask them what they mean by their criticism and how it affects you. Embracing imperfection takes time and practice, but the payoff is a healthier self-image built on acceptance rather than shame.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes - even those who seem flawless. By accepting your human form, you'll become more resilient, compassionate, and at peace with yourself.

Letting Go of Shame and Blame Games for Inner Peace

The weight of shame and blame games can be crushing, making it difficult to find forgiveness and acceptance in our imperfect human form. When we're stuck in this cycle, it's easy to feel like a burden is weighing us down, preventing us from living life fully.

For instance, when you make a mistake or face rejection, the voice of shame can whisper lies in your ear: "You're not good enough," "You'll never be loved." These toxic thoughts poison our self-image and relationships. To let go of shame and blame games for inner peace, it's essential to acknowledge that perfection is an unattainable myth.

You are human; you will make mistakes.

Practice compassion with yourself by reframing negative thoughts into kinder affirmations: "I'm doing the best I can," or "Mistakes happen – what can I learn from this?" When criticizing others, try to focus on their humanity instead of judging them as flawed. By embracing your imperfect human form and treating yourself with kindness, you'll be more likely to find forgiveness and acceptance.

Remember that nobody is perfect; everybody makes mistakes. The key is learning from those mishaps and cultivating a growth mindset.

Embracing Your Authentic Human Experience Without Apology

Forgiveness and acceptance are not about becoming perfect, but about embracing your authentic human experience without apology. You can't change the past or control how others perceive you.

What's left is accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. It's easy to get caught up in trying to be someone else - a better version of ourselves - but it only leads to suffering.

You're stuck on this imperfect journey called life, just like everyone else. Mastering the Art of Radical Acceptance.

Never use the pronoun "I". Radical acceptance is not about ignoring your flaws, it's about embracing them as an integral part of who you are.

By letting go of the need for perfection, you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic, which is often where the most profound growth happens. The more accepting you become of your own humanity, the less space there is for self-doubt and inner critic sabotage.

So, let's not try to change who we are or pretend to be someone else; instead, accept yourself exactly as you are today.

Written by Adewale Ademuyiwa


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