From: Adewale Ademuyiwa (The StressTherapist)
Re: Dealing with the difficulty to cope better emotionally
If you want to be more happy, motivated and enthusiastic about things in life... If you want to feel more confident in who you are... And if you want to keep your sanity intact as you learn the many difficult skills for coping successfully with the mental pain of life... Then this is the most important letter you'll read all year!
Disturbing emotions are symptoms of a much greater problem that’s a little harder to see (that’s the bad news), but a lot easier to fix once you can see clearly (that’s the good news)!
Let me ask you a question to elaborate what I mean....
Do you only notice it when you've lost motivation for things like getting out with friends... Looking after yourself (washing hair, brushing teeth,etc).
Or do you just realize it when you've lost the desire to eat healthily or when you can't eat at all... Or when it seems like everything that's thrown your way is negative despite your best efforts to stay positive.
If you always fail to see that you are slipping into a negative cycle until you are NECK-DEEP in it. Then you'll never stop yourself from falling into emotional health problems.
But this is where the good news comes in...
Because once you can see the hidden patterns highlighting that you are slipping before your mind gets warped by anxiety and depression...
“Seriously this has been a fantastic therapy with a 100% turn around for me.Your style really works. You have some life experiences and practical steps that make these therapy sessions worthwhile. This has helped with my speedy recovery….
Before I started with you, I had to resign from a stressful job that I was so unhappy about. I had lost my self-esteem and was emotionally torn apart. Very lonely tearful and disengaging with people.
To God be all the Glory, by the 5th StressTherapy session with you, I was able to apply for a new job and I received the good news just last week that I got the new Job!! I can only give credit to you for your patience and understanding... and your consistency in the delivery of your material. Many thanks from a very pleased customer"
My name is Adewale Ademuyiwa and I'm a licenced and certified psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience of working in the mental health field.
My work has been cited on the BBC Radio Essex, Mental Health Foundation Magazine: The Boiling Point and The Epping Forrest Independent (Local newspaper). I was fortunate to be one of a two part team who won both a national and local award for innovation in practice in the UK in 2005.
Now people see me socializing easily, and standing on stage, running workshops in front of hundreds of people, so it is hard for them to imagine that I could have struggled emotionally.
But I used to suffer badly with anxiety, and it was so bad that in any party I attended, I would be that teenager in the corner of the room not knowing what to say to people.
I can remember one day just walking on the street wishing someone would talk to me...
I wished to make friends but was too scared of making them.
On a larger scale, I desired to connect with people because I felt I had something to offer, but I was so shy. I didn't have the voice to share it.
So, I was desperate to offer myself as a friend and as a support but this big obstacle of not knowing how to talk made it impossible to make new friends unless someone approached me first. And even then, I would just say hi, hello then the conversation would dry up.
Then I would have this soul-destroying conversation at the back of my mind that would go something like…“Maybe he’s thinking I'm not good enough, maybe she’s thinking I'm too shy, too anxious or too boring.”
Then I would feel really awkward because I could feel my body go red hot. I felt everyone could see my awkwardness. Like I was sticking out, looking out of place... A fumbling mess. I seriously felt like a failure.
How could I ever learn to talk to people whilst feeling so anxious?
In 1997 I came to England and lived in a little town called Dudley up in the West Midlands. I moved there to do my mental health nurse training at the university of Wolverhampton, but this took me far away from my family.
This was when the loneliness became unbearably depressing.
I remember living in a room in a shared flat. I’d finish school and return back to my room. Then I'd just be there on my own every Monday, Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday and Friday…
Being alone for so long in that room, just staring at the bare walls made me feel like I was losing my mind.
The lecturer shared this idea that seemed completely counter intuitive.
And the idea was that the reason we get locked in negative cycles that cause us to struggle to cope emotionally is because WE GET ADDICTED TO POSITIVE COPING STRATEGIES... and not negative coping strategies like most experts would have you believe.
And in my case, my positive coping strategy was aimed at protecting myself. I protected myself from people's judgments. But the better I got at doing that, the more anxious I got about being around people.
And the lecture revealed that the only way to avoid this mental illness trap, was to stop relying too heavily on any coping strategy, no matter how positive,helpful or good that coping strategy felt.
Doing this would literally force any negative cycle into a positive cycle.
Because over reliance on any positive coping strategy is bound to trap you in more mental health problems. You’ve got to focus more on balancing out your coping strategies instead. And in most situations, this means doing what feels intuitively wrong.
So I decided I was going to turn this around, and started practicing not protecting myself so heavily.
And one day I went to this get together and there was this beautiful girl. So I went to her and just spoke rubbish words.
You see my fear was making mistakes, so if I make the mistake, what would be the worst thing that would happen. Nothing really happened. All she did was kind of smile, look at me queerly and just walk away.
And that was all.
Because now, I am happy to do a lot of quirky things in front of people. Because I don't care about it anymore.
And because of this success...
I started opening up about my mental health struggles. I became determined to contribute to mental health awareness. To break down the stigma surrounding mental health. Because,without this stigma in our world, many more people will feel safe to come out and find solutions to their emotional difficulties..
So I wanted to help break down these boundaries so I could help people believe that it's possible to be totally free of emotional health problems too.
As a result...
I embarked on a long quest of studying the positive coping addictions of over 249 clients. This was over the course of 6 years. I began to see how positive coping addictions permeated all mental health problems.
I could see it in depression, I could see it in anxiety, social anxiety, I saw it in agoraphobia I saw it in bipolar and I saw it in PTSD.
Understanding how positive coping addictions kept negative cycles alive enabled me to identify the core of anyone's mental health problems intuitively. And this allowed me to instantly know the best steps they needed to take in order to protect them from their specific emotional difficulties.
I could also instantly see the steps they needed to follow to avoid ever falling into mental health problems again...
Because they give you treatment or therapy that forces you to become dependent on the mental health system.
Their treatments make you feel a bit better…
However they never fully address the roots of your emotional problems so as soon as you return to a stressful life, you get mentally unwell again.
And the truth…
That’s why, I decided to make sure that the system I created was not only superb at providing the exact steps to quickly climb out of an emotional rut.
The system has also been tweaked to be 100% effective at fishing out anything you are doing that could make you slip back into emotional difficulties again.
I chose to call this system THE TAKE BACK CONTROL PROGRAM because it literally teaches you how to take back control of your life from mental illness. And it can help you achieve this by yourself within 2 to 3 months.
Now because the system worked so well, I decided to share ideas from it in a blog post to help people become aware of the potential to get addicted to positive coping strategies.
The post is titled, 36 Crazy Good Habits that (Surprisingly) Crank Up your Anxiety and Depression. The article now has over 8 thousand shares showing you how much it resonates with people.
She was taught that exercises could help her feel less depressed.
And whilst this was true... (Exercises give you a dopamine boost that can switch depression off temporarily) Laura didn’t realize she'd gotten dependent on exercises and this was keeping her depression alive.
This was because each time the dopamine boost made her feel better, she felt no need to deal with all the buried painful stuff in her life. Sadly, this meant that her depression was always in the background waiting to overwhelm her again whenever the right situations presented themselves.
She was confused as to why she still suffered with anxiety after 30 years of practicing meditation. She hadn’t realized that meditation could become a trap that caused her to avoid dealing with anxiety provoking issues.
I can list hundreds of examples of positive habits, positive behaviours and coping strategies that become positive coping addictions like this.
But the big point here is that once you begin to see your coping addictions clearly, you too will be amazed at how quickly you can become emotionally stronger.
This is in stark contrast to the 3 to 7 years it would have taken me to do the same thing in the past.
So, as a result of the take back control system… I’ve not only been able to achieve my dream of feeling confident and happy in myself and in my life... I have also been blessed to see the lives of so many people around me transformed beautifully.
This includes people who were struggling with depression, anxiety, bi polar, agoraphobia, social anxiety, anger difficulties and PTSD. People from different countries around the world.
When I open an email from one of my readers telling me that they decided not to take their life because something I said or because of something I did. And how they've gained hope and belief in themselves from applying the Take Back Control system in their lives.
When I read that... I gain a deep sense of satisfaction that the whole journey for me has been worth it.
"I thought it was like the end of the world, I was so heavy I felt overloaded in my heart and in my brain and it was like I was stuck with everything. It was just too much.
I was holding onto too many worries, I couldn’t let anything go. I was scared that I’was going to die and leave my kids with no one to look after them. If not for my kids, I would have committed suicide. Sometimes I’was crying without even knowing why I was crying I just got in bed and cried for the whole night.
Now I don’t feel overloaded any more. I feel quite calm. I’m getting better with my thinking. No longer latching onto things I can’t control. I’m no longer worried. The way I used to cry for things, I no longer do this. It feels like things are getting better than before and now I’m able to understand what is happening to me now than I did before.
When I started to come to see you Adewale, I didn’t know I would get to a point that I would even understand myself and know exactly what to do. Now it’s like I’ve taken off the load. I stopped carrying. I stopped blaming myself with things like I was doing before."
Or would you LOVE to quickly find coping mechanisms that actually work and gain confidence in your ability to take some control back in terms of how your life is going- so you can feel happier and enjoy your friends and family.
If your answer is yes, then...
You'll gain confidence in yourself. This means you feel confident to apply for jobs that are tasking but pay well because you trust your ability to keep mentally well under strangling pressure.
Save up to £280 whilst gaining insights that give you a winning chance. This coaching call reduces 4 hours of grueling painful assessment into 1 hour of insightful enjoyment.
You'll skip past all the mistakes and obstacles that stop MOST people. This saves you painful years of trial and error.
Feel comfortable to rest your mind instead of permanently being in hyper drive trying to figure out what is wrong with your emotions.
Gain increased awareness of your emotions so you can recognise and stop yourself getting triggered before your anxiety or depression gets really bad.
I've been feeling a lot more positive although I still have ups and downs. I still feel a little fragile inside occasionally. Now I am comfortable in my own skin. I no longer look behind when I am out and about. More often than not I now feel free and able to live again.
But I remember how bad I was feeling at the beginning and I couldn’t even sleep etc. I hope I'll never go back to that state of mind.... It was a bit difficult to accept and recognize but now I do understand how easy it is for the mind to find an hiding space in the meditation or religion etc... That was the biggest realization.
Because I have been meditating for almost 30 years and resolved many issues in my life with it. But never thought that somehow I used it as a coping mechanisms.
I needed your input to reshape the way I use the meditation and have a different approach to it. I have been a lot more aware of not relying on the meditation to make decisions or to cope with stress.
When you succeed at controlling your emotions, think of how good you'll feel about yourself when you no longer have to rely on government hand outs to survive.
When you're coping better, think about all the time you can actually enjoy doing things you love with family members and friends. extra money you'll have left over to put down on your next house
See yourself building more friendships since you don't have to keep disappointing people because you keep having break downs.
This is a specialized coaching call which uses a streamlined system to reduce 4 hours of grueling assessments into 1 hour of positive insightful learning.
So here's what you get so far...
Now just to highlight that this coaching call is not a flimsy run-of-the-mill session. Listen to this testimonial from a former client. Interestingly, the coaching call she attended was my very first attempt to do this online. So she had the first iteration of the system you will be getting.
Just listen to what she had to say.
Now, just to sweeten this offer for you, if you book your coaching call today, you will also get...
Listen: We all know how easy it is to keep up with exercises your therapists has giving you when you know you'll be seeing them again soon. The shame of telling your therapist you haven't kept up with your practice schedule is enough to keep you doing the things you need to do to get better.
But if you are doing the work by yourself it is easy to lose momentum and revert back into old habits and get stuck all over again.
That is why you get to 3 weeks of email contact with me To help you iron out the kinks whilst you apply the strategies you will be given.
All you have to do is to email me with your question and I will reply within the next 24 hours
So all together, you are getting...
If you scan the web for prices of coaching calls. Just one coaching call can set you back anything from £70 to £1000.
The truth is that you cant put a price on sanity.
But today, I'm not going to charge you £675.
Why would I give you all this for free?
What's the catch?
Yes there is a catch... In fact there are three catches.
I give you a free coaching call, we work through your difficulties together. I give you so much value to help you first. And that will help you know if you would like to work with me full time or not.
Once you experience the benefits of this, I believe you will not be able to keep quiet about it. You'll want to spread the word and tell other people that this can help them as well. And that's going to attract more clients for me.
II am passionate about spreading the word. Because many people don't know what I have showed you today. Most people believe that the way to cope is by leaning on positive coping strategies. They don't realize that you can overdo it that is why I want this message to go out. So the more I give away this free coaching call. The more people will spread this message.
Why am I charging you this refundable fee... I want to discourage people who will waste my time from booking this free session. I have had bad experiences of giving people my time for free only to have them book the session and not turn up.
My time is valuable to me. And if I take an hour out of my time,and you don't turn up. That is an hour wasted. An hour that I would have given to someone who really wants to use it. That is why I am asking you to pay a fully refundable fee of £25. When you attend the session, you get 100% of your money back.
Paying this refundable fee tells me you are serious about working on your recovery. You you are committed to this and that you will actually turn up for the session.
Now, you may decide that you want to work with me and put this £25 towards your first payment. That is also possible. But if you are happy to go it all on your own after your coaching call, then you can take your resilience building plan and all the special bonuses and you are free to work through it with the backing of my 3 weeks of email consultations.
So all together, for your resilience building coaching call package, you get...
But today... For all this, you only pay just...
As you can see all the risk is squarely on my shoulders, so....
So go ahead and click the button below to book your free session now and you'll be on your way to enjoying all the benefits we've talked about here and more! Let's get started right now!