It's so disheartening..
Feeling like there are people watching...
Waiting to see if you'll fail.
Now you are on a mission to prove them wrong.
Bent on proving to yourself that you've got what it takes to succeed.
So you work hard. You deal with your problems. You worry about your problems. You put on a front so no one can see that you are struggling.
But there's an unforeseen problem.
A problem that will keep you living in yesterday's regrets.
A problem that will rob you of your best years if you fail to notice it and do something about it.
And the problem is caused by our second mind-set which I call...
Ever noticed how in the cartoon, the road runner seems impervious to crashing into obstacles, always miraculously surviving regardless of what it does?
Well, in much the same way, the road runner mind-set tricks you into thinking you can push yourself non-stop without consequences.
It tricks you into focusing a high percentage of your attention and energy on dealing with your life problems.
But since real life is not a cartoon, dealing with things in this manner will force you into a lifestyle that smashes you into your emotional threshold regularly.
You are broken, vulnerable, fatigued, and you feel increasingly powerless to problems you can't control.
Here's an example that illustrates the road runner mindset perfectly.
Out of the blue, Eunice’s husband left her for another woman.
He left her with two under 10 year old kids with no financial support.
Eunice became adamant that she'd show her ex she can survive without him. So she pushed herself hard and kept going through it all on her own.
Eventually she started experiencing panic attacks. Constantly snapping at her kids and feeling guilty about it. Waking up in the mornings feeling low and demotivated.
Feeling frustrated with herself because her mind knew what she wanted to do but her body was not letting her do it.
When Eunice came to me for therapy, she explained her struggle like this.
“Got too many problems, too confusing I could not describe them or analyse them...
You know, the first thing you ask is how you ended up in this place, I mean you've worked so hard. It’s like everything that you feared is now there, now happening…
What do you do? You can’t move, you can’t see tomorrow, you just get up and are like, well this is it, I am here I can’t do nothing…
You end up feeling like there’s no way out… and even though some people will say to me don't worry things will get better. I ask but how, and when? Is it really?”
You see, the road runner mind-set had tricked Eunice into believing she could only deal with her difficulties by doing something tangible.
She didn't realize she needed to sustain herself emotionally as well.
This would have prevented her from crashing into her emotional threshold. And helped her remain energized, clear minded and motivated to deal with her real life issues.
I met with Eunice for three months in therapy and helped her learn the coping skills she needed. This helped her to stop crashing into her threshold.
After this, Eunice reported that she was in a much calmer place. Her life difficulties were still present, but she was managing things better.
She was making fewer wrong choices and achieving her day to day goals without feeling exhausted and drained like she used to.
What exact steps did we take to achieve this result? I'll be digging more into that later.
First let's move on to toxic mind-set 3