It's horrible...
That feeling of inadequacy.
You just started a new job and so much is depending on you. But you worry you can’t handle this new job either.
Your self-worth feels shackled to the job. And this time, you swear you’re done living the moment you lose it.
But because you're so convinced you're a fraud. You wrestle with that icy feeling of dread right between your chest.
You worry you're gonna fail... You're gonna get found out... You're gonna get fired... Your career will be over.
You feel so vulnerable, you start making stupid mistakes.
Now you’re wondering…
"Are they all thinking I can’t hack it?"
“Why can't I handle anything normal people handle? Why am I so weak? I need to be mentally stronger.”
But here’s the clincher...
Coping successfully in a difficult work setting has got nothing to do with mental strength!
In my 20 years of working as a mental health professional, I have seen this pattern over and over.
People who've learnt to cope successfully with their employment despite their anxiety or depression only did so because they mastered something I call THE TABLE SALT EFFECT.
Like to know what this is?
You know how they say about eating too much salt?
Yes... They say it's bad for you. In fact, it can kill you!
Well, it turns out that eating too little salt is bad for you as well.
Aside from making your food bland. Researchers now suggest that too little salt can lead to cardiovascular diseases and death.
So, too much is bad for you, and too little is bad for you as well.
That's The Table Salt Effect.
But what has salt got to do with anxiety and depression at work?
Here's the relevancy...
But warning! You'd most likely think it's weird, But it'll make sense in a second.
The Table Salt Effect:
If underused or overused, anything that gives you enjoyment, peace, safety and security will lead to stress, anxiety and depressive symptoms.
Take a moment to read that again. What is it really saying? And how does it apply to you?
You are probably wondering...
"Adewale, are you stressing the need for balance?"
Yes I am, but not in the way you might initially think.
Here's an example to illustrate why this is so profound.
Let’s imagine you a hard-worker.
You believe in doing any job you do to the best of your ability. You choose to work longer hours because it helps you meet deadlines. But then the tendency to work hard begins to affect your ability to work smart.
And before the days end, you're so exhausted that your mind is all over the place.
So, whilst being a hard worker is a good thing. The lack of focus it creates makes you feel inadequate, which then forces you to work even harder and longer.
This is the table salt effect in action.
If your goal is to be less anxious, less worried and less depressed, your attempts to be emotionally stable is sabotaged by the table salt effect.
Then before long you’re convinced you've got to leave your job for something less gratifying. Maybe you decide to go wash windows, wipe bottoms or wash dishes. All because you can't cope.
And that insecurity, coupled with everything else going on in your life just makes you feel burnt out and irritable.
believe me, It's horrible.
So, what’s the solution?
You might find this solution shocking as well. Because it’s counter-intuitive.
But again, I say bear with me, and it will all makes sense.
And the solution is to...
Tone… Down…. Your…. Strengths.
Huh?
Yes, I know that sounds disastrously wrong...
But let me explain.
Society tells you that in order to cope better, emotionally...
You have to work harder at dropping the weaknesses in your nature.
But then when you start to struggle emotionally, you realise that at a certain level, trying harder at dropping your weaknesses just doesn’t fix things for you anymore.
Because you try... try...try till your emotions overpower everything.
It's failure upon failure.
Nothing ever works to help you cope better emotionally.
However, that's only because you've been working hard to cope but going in the wrong direction.
You've got to "Weaken Your Strengths" that are sabottaging you.
In my 20 plus years of working as a mental health practitioner...
It’s a subtle mindset shift that will enable you to start enjoying your experiences at work.
Totally twisted, right?
But before you slam the door in my face and conclude that I have gone crazy.
Here’s an example that will make this concept as clear as night and day.
Robin Williams, a well-loved and extremely talented comedian committed suicide mid-2015.
But what really struck me about his suicide was...
How could someone so strong at making people happy, end up doing something so opposite like committing suicide because of depression?
So I researched his background to understand what could have happened.
In my research, I learnt that Robin was bullied severely in his childhood. So he had first hand experience of how painful this can be.
As a result, whenever he saw other children crying or in pain, he'd tell them a joke to cheer them up.
That's how his comedy skills developed. And it became a tremendous strength that made him rich and famous. It brought many wonderful things into his life.
But...
One day, Robin made an unexpected statement.
He said...
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to be lonely. But now I know that the worst thing in life is to have so many people around you and still be lonely.”
This got me thinking.
Why Would Someone So Wonderful Be lonely?
There are a few possible answers.
Yes, Robin’s ability to joke made him popular.
But a common weakness of popularity is that you invite sharks, who care only about themselves into your life.
So, due to his strength of being funny, Robin's potential to be hurt, abused, disappointed could have skyrocketed.
Another example...
From watching his interviews, Robin was brilliant at pulling jokes out of peoples comments every single time he talked to others. This possibly meant he was practicing jokes most of the time he was conversing with people.
What's the possible impact of joking in every conversation you have?
You'll rarely be able to connect on a deep level with anybody. And if you can't connect, you'd never know who's a genuine friend or who's a shark.
Hence again, because of his strength of joking, he quadrupled his chances of getting hurt. This could easily make anyone lonely, depressed and suicidal.
Now, what if someone had advised Robin to tone his strength of Joking down?
This could have resulted in deeper conversations with people.
Which could have enabled him to differentiate between genuine friends and sharks. And would have improved his ability trust, to feel less lonely and perhaps prevented his depression and suicide all together.
Hopefully you can see the power of what weakening your strengths can do.
Because…
If you’ve been consumed with scorching negativity and frustrated that you're doing everything right, but nothing works?
The reality is that…
You are trapped in a similar cycle where you rely heavily on your strengths.
You are trying to boost your strengths because you believe they'll make you feel stronger emotionally.
You rely on being hard-working.
You rely on doing your job perfectly.
You rely on being smiley, bubbly. Being the kind of person other people want to be around.
And yet regardless of all this effort, because of the table salt effect, your strengths make you feel frustratingly worse about yourself because you're still stuck feeling hopeless about life.
But, how do you go about practically weakening your strengths, so you can avoid breaking down?
What if you can’t pin down the strengths you have?
Or what if you believe you have no strengths?
Obviously, it will be a disaster to weaken any or every strength you have. Without no system or strategy. You certainly don’t want to create more problems for yourself.
I’ll take you through a simple 3-part system that will enable you to start using today's concept effectively. You'll discover how to balance those sneaky strengths that drain your confidence at work.
The technique will take you through a process that will boost a rich and warm internal sense of feeling good enough. In a way that you’ll believe it deep in your soul. This way you'll feel normal like everyone else who is able to hold down a Job without the constant self doubt.
And the strategy will give you the tools to know exactly what to do. Hence you won't become frustrated because all your efforts are hit and miss.
This means you can stop fretting about your financial commitments like your mortgage. You can stop worrying about looking after your family because you're no longer threatened that your depression or anxiety will sabotage you.
But for now though, remember the table salt effect.
Try to see how the concept might be playing a key role in keeping your emotional turmoil alive. And imagine how mastering this concept will make you beat your fears.
And we'll dive deeper into the concept tomorrow. I guarantee that you'll discover some profound and exciting surprises in tomorrow's article too.
That's all I have for you today folks.
See you again tomorrow.
Bye for now.
Adewale (StressTherapist)
